


Plot Holes and Palm Holes

by RavenZaphara



Series: Marooned in the Underground [1]
Category: Undertale (Video Game)
Genre: "Crag, "ya just gotta.", Bonus Content, Crag is gay af, F/F, I'd appreciate it!, If you enjoy this work, M/M, No Shit, Other, Part of another fic, Resurrect Your Gays, S.S. Skelehuman, and apparently so is Gaster, and he was like, and then I was like, but yea, happy endings, hope it's worth reading though, i did the thing, please check out Soul-Searcher, so that's where sans gets his sense of humor, this was fun af to write, this was supposed to be serious, why you gotta be so funny?"
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-13
Updated: 2017-12-09
Packaged: 2018-06-02 01:58:02
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 6
Words: 17,470
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6545836
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RavenZaphara/pseuds/RavenZaphara
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This will be a few one-shots to go along with Soul-Searcher, the main fic, and so everything in this will have spoilers to both the game and Soul-Searcher. Please read accordingly.<br/>I love comments, so please feel free to tell me how terrible this is.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Skeleton in My Closet (Part One)

**Author's Note:**

> Hello, there. Welcome to skelehell, where there is angst everywhere. Chapter one is going to be so much fun, as you will read the White Ink Reports (or the majority of them) from the pov of Blue! This was originally meant to be very serious and romantic, but... well, I discovered very quickly that Blue is a huge and hilarious pervert. Hopefully, you'll love him as much as I do!  
> Also, I am not sorry for the chapter title. Not at all. I have no regrets (maybe 0.5 regrets, but...) and I will shamelessly make this joke again.
> 
> WARNINGS: Later on, they have the sex. Soul Sex, but still sex, I guess. Does that count? This should be the only chapter of this mini-series that requires that particular warning.

It was with a heavy heart that I had bid farewell to Toriel. I had promised that I would come back when I’d seen what was pulling me forward… but although I always had intended to make good on my promise, when I said goodbye, I felt guilt. Despite my intentions, I knew better. I was heading to my death.

However, I was resolved to greet my destiny with a smile if I could help it.

Now, looking back, I kind of regret making a promise I knew I couldn’t keep. Unless, beyond the grave, somehow… “Human, sit up straight. If you do not comply with my direction, I will hand you back over to Asgore.”

The tall, brooding figure— _skeleton_ , I reminded myself—leaned over me, peering into my face. I was much shorter than he, and I was sitting. Overall, if the guy was trying to be intimidating, he had it down pat. “i’m gonna take a wild guess and say that’s a lie. you seem a bit too… i don’t know… _fascinated_ to just toss me away for bad posture.”

The tiny points of light in his eyes narrowed, his brow creasing. I couldn’t _not_ stare, of course. I was probably just about half as curious as he was. He continued speaking. “I am Doctor Gaster. You will treat me with the utmost respect. Otherwise, I’ll gather what data I can from your corpse.”

His coldly clinical, yet dark voice made me shiver. “sheesh. gimme a break, alright? i’ll cooperate—i mean, i don’t really have a choice, but hey…” I gave him a winsome smile. No reaction. “why the hell not?”

Gaster was muttering under his breath while writing. “Subject is capable of semi-intelligent speech.” He motioned his hand, and abruptly I felt something tug roughly and I fell backwards in my chair, limp. Everything was monochromatic, now, except for a cobalt fireball emitting from my chest. “Blue soul…” Gaster droned. “I will start the extraction of a minute amount of the substance within it, and test it to see if it is similar to the others.”

“oh, uh… hey.” It was hard to breathe. “c-could ya stop doing that? whatever it is?”

Gaster took out a syringe. “Try not to move, human, or this could end badly for you.”

“jesus fucking christ, what a needle! could you not?” I wasn’t exactly fond of sharp objects, and I was quickly finding that I wasn’t fond of skeletons, regardless of how decadent his voice was.

It hurt about as much as you’d expect. Yeah, I passed out. It was great, except it wasn’t. When I woke up, the blue thing was gone and I could see colors again. I thought perhaps the last few years had been a dream, as I was in a bed with an iv hooked up to me. Looked like someone had been doing bloodwork. Gaster came in and smiled at me. “Ah, you’re awake. Lovely.”

“what’s up, doc?” I grumbled, and he gave me a look. “what? that not _respectful_ enough for you?”

He sighed. “You never stop talking, do you?” He pulled a chair and sat down. “That is fine, though. I need to know more about humans. Tell me everything you know. Those markings on your face, what are they?”

“ah, really?” I was tempted to tell him to shove his clipboard up his ass, but then I realized he probably didn’t have one under those charcoal slacks. “well… Since you asked _so nicely_.” My sarcasm was lost on the enraptured doctor. Defeated, I basically started reciting everything I’d learned in school. Science, history, biology, etc. Those markings he was referring to were scar tissue from where I had busted my head open when I fell. Toriel had done her best to **doctor** me up (heh), but she hadn’t really known how to get everything completely right. You know, bones and all being different from magic-dust. The scarring, which was tender to the touch, ran from my right eye up into my hairline, and I had more scarring going down from my left eye. Luckily, Toriel had managed to save my eyes, so…

He was just… awash in fascination. It was actually quite a good look on him. I made a joke at one point that if science didn’t pan out in the future, he could probably get good work as an automatic writer, as he never seemed to stop taking notes. Page after page after page. I swear to God I saw diagrams on some of them, too. He was literally making charts based on the half-assed data I was giving him. I mean, I wasn’t intentionally lying or anything, but… not like I can remember everything. I might have been a bit vague, or pointed out something that wasn’t in my expertise. I avoided sarcasm, as he didn’t seem to understand it.

The days passed with us talking and talking about human functions. I even managed to coax some information out of him, which I am still quite proud of. I felt that we had been getting closer, but when I tried to tell him my name, he told me he didn’t want to know it. Gotta admit… it kinda hurt. But, I tried not to take it personally. After all, I knew I would end up dying here eventually. That tug that had pulled me from precious Goat-Mom had finally quit tugging—I assumed that meant I’d reached whatever fate I was meant to enact. I assumed that he just didn't want to get too attached to me if he was going to end up spraying the entire lab with my blood when everything was said and done. Can't really say I blame him, honestly—about the attachment thing, that is.

Could be worse, I guess. Even though Gaster was kind of a prick half the time, he wasn’t the bad kind. Plus, he was nice to look at. Not saying I’d jump his bones, but… I’d definitely jump his bones. Speaking of which, he kept asking me about human reproduction, and… eventually I had to give him the Talk. Imagine, if you will, a twenty-something (I honestly don’t remember how old I was) sitting down with a being multiple centuries older than him and telling said ancient geezer how humans do the do. I even went into gory detail, especially in my realm of expertise (take a wild guess. I'll give you a hint: dongs were involved in the discussion). I managed quite a bit of puns, too. He didn’t even catch a lot of them, and I’m pretty sure they ended up in his notes. You have no idea how thrilled I was about that.

Well, he started asking if I was able to carry a child the human way, and I had to explain to him I don’t exactly have the equipment for it. Goddamn him if he didn’t _ask to see it!_ Sweet Christ, I thought my face would explode. What was worse was that it had been an innocent question, and I was just… so stunned that I _agreed_ , on the condition that I got to see what he looked like under that lab coat.

I don’t know what I expected. Maybe some form of dick, but… I couldn’t really bring myself to be disappointed, though. He was just as weird to behold in the buff—and, ~~sadly~~ awkwardly enough, he only moved to examine me after he put his clothes back on. That was still okay with me, though. He filled those clothes out well, for someone without skin. I spent the entire time willing myself not to get a boner, and then laughing at the pun. I can remember that night, almost on the verge of tears from frustration, thinking “God, I’m so boned.” And it wasn’t even funny. Mostly because the problem was that I _wasn’t_ boned.

I have problems. I’m sure you understand.

The topic turned to asexual reproduction soon afterward. I hurried to explain that humans don’t divide, as we tend to multiply, instead. He didn’t believe me, and asked what part of my body I could live without. At first I thought he was joking. I knew by then, though, that Gaster didn’t seem to have a sense of humor. If he did, he had the best fucking poker face I’d ever seen. I woke up the next morning sans a pinkie. I suppose I should have been thankful that he had at least doped me up before doing it, but I was fucking livid. Absolutely pissed. I mean, who wouldn’t be?

In a feeble attempt at revenge, I decided to starve myself. I didn’t honestly expect him to get as worked up over that as he did. Still, I kept on. One night, I woke up hearing Toriel’s voice. _“Promise me you’ll come back, Crag? You never break a promise.”_ I was very weak. I was most likely near dying. Even though I knew I’d die sooner or later, anyway, I ended up eating again when offered that day. Maybe I was just hopeful that I would somehow escape back to beloved Goat-Mom and all of this would be like some terrifying wet dream. 

Gaster took to calling me Subject Blue. At first it pissed me off, because I honestly wanted to hear my own name. If it hadn’t been for dream-Toriel saying it, I would have forgotten it. No shit, I felt like I’d forgotten my own name. Eventually, though, I realized that it was his way of treating me as a friend more than a lab rat. Being reduced to the color of my soul was slightly more dignified than being referred to as my species. I didn’t fully approve of the nickname until he eventually quit referring to me as “Subject” at all.

I kind of liked the way he said “Blue” anyway. Smooth, like a purr. I swear to God, he _knew_ what effect his voice had on me, too. I am convinced that he used it to his advantage, because he was constantly saying things to make me blush. To compensate my burning cheeks, I began making raunchier jokes at him, even mixing them in with the ever constant science talks. He actually seemed to enjoy these “anecdotes” and so I kept trying to compile them in my head while I lay awake at night.

I was somewhat aware that his eyes had taken a different light when he studied me. The day I had fully noticed it, though, was when he suggested what I had understood to be the monster version of foreplay; you know, they both have their souls out and stuff. I hadn’t really understood what this had to do with science, but… who was I to refuse? I mean, seriously, I was curious what his (soul) looked like, and he’d certainly seen mine.

It’s amazing what I can sexualize when I put my mind to it.

I can remember perfectly, the first time he showed me his soul. It was brilliant, blinding white. Like, sterile. But it was actually quite amazing to see. And then he pulled my soul out, too. He was much gentler in doing so this time than he had been in the past. That gave me some hope. We talked about random shit of no real consequence. At first. God, if I hadn’t been aching for physical contact before, I was then. The inane chatter wasn’t even helping. I made a dirty joke, and to my surprise, he made one back. I would be lying through my teeth if I said I didn’t replay that moment back to myself frequently. Oh my God, hearing him say “cock” was insane. He looked utterly shocked afterward, too. Like he hadn’t meant to say it. Apparently, having your soul out makes you a bit more honest with yourself. Also, he blushed yellow. It was cute.

When he put my soul back, though, the mood was somber. I couldn’t avoid asking, anymore. Now that I understood who he was—or felt that I did—I felt like, maybe, I could get an answer. “gaster, why am i alive?”

“According to you, because your heart pumps blood through cavernous vessels throughout your body, and—”

“no, no, not like that. i mean, why are you _keeping_ me alive? i already know i’m gonna die here. i want to know why you’re keeping me.”

For the longest time, he was silent. At last he sighed, and left me alone to my thoughts.

Oh, if that didn’t keep me up at night. I didn’t protest his silence, though. I thought that… maybe if I waited, he’d answer me.

The next day was even worse. Our souls were out, yes, but, at a loss for appropriate topics, I asked something that, in retrospect, probably was a bad idea. I asked about the war. I guess I’d forgotten he was old enough to have participated in it. I didn't think I was being insensitive, or anything, but... looking back, I must have struck a nerve. 

Hell, he was _beyond_ furious, though. He had raised his voice, his eyes had flashed neon yellow, and I had just been stunned into silence, watching him, waiting patiently for his anger to subside. I wasn’t going to cry or apologize—I didn’t see at the time that I’d done anything wrong. When he’d put my soul back away that night, he looked like he wanted to say something, but he didn’t. He looked so confused and remorseful that he didn’t really have to say it. I wanted to give him a hug—and I do mean _just_ a hug—but I was actually worried he’d have thrown me or something.

When morning finally came again, he approached me. “you look like shit.” I remember saying. He couldn’t even look at me. My voice was softer still, and I sympathetically asked him, “got any skeletons in your closet?” He looked up at me, and my face split into a grin. That was the first time I’d ever heard him laugh. It made me tingle and smile, and the day was passed with discussions about dreams and history… I got him to laugh one other time, and that night, when he put my soul back, he pulled me into a hug.

“Blue, I’m sorry. And thank you. And…”

“gaster, what’s up with you today? are you the skeleton in your closet?” I was joking, but we both knew what I was really asking. 

He sighed. “Doesn’t matter.”

“hey, hey, yeah it does. being in the closet is no fun. i mean, if you’re comfortable in it, that’s fine, but...” Silence ensued, and I was wondering if I'd done something wrong. Something awkward and bad.

He gave me an odd look. “What is it that you call heterosexual humans?”

“straight.” I reminded him.

“Ah, yes. Which you certainly are not.” He blushed again, and his cold finger traced down my spine, pressing through the shirt. Fuck, _that_ was a sensation. “Not even your spine is straight.”

It took a second for me to register what he'd been trying to do. “goddammit, gaster, even though you butchered that joke, it was the cutest thing i’ve ever heard.”

His blush was back even more intensely, now, and I leaned in and kissed him. He didn’t respond, and I kind of deflated. He didn’t understand what I was doing, and after a short explanation, and a take two, it still didn’t feel right. Disappointment.

Yeah, I didn’t sleep that night, either. The next morning, I discovered that Gaster and I were on the same page. Well, if by that I meant that neither of us got sleep, we were on the same page. He dropped a helluva bomb on me, though, and we were definitely _not_ on the same page. He said that he had begun the whole soul thing so that he could get close enough to me to determine whether humans and monsters could procreate together.

If he’d told me before that he had been buttering me up, I would have been all for it—but he was basically telling me now that he was intending to make a baby and not even tell me until it was too late to abort. Yeah, I was mad—but by telling me, he was giving me an option. He was giving me the knowledge almost _expressly_ to make me mad at him. He wanted me to refuse him—but… well… it’s kind of hard to refuse someone who makes you feel like he made me feel.

He was a lot more upset at himself than I was at him. He kept staring at my exposed soul, so I moved it closer to him. I wanted to let him know that I still believed in him, that I still trusted him. (Yeah, against my better judgement, I still trusted him. So shoot me. Have you _seen_ this guy? Jesus Christ himself wouldn’t have had the heart to refuse him. Probably. Maybe I’m just twisted and love to see him happy.)

In response, his own soul drifted closer to me. I wanted to reach out and touch it, but… well, I wasn’t sure what it would do. So I stared at it, instead, hoping it would twitch or something. I really don’t know what I was expecting. I must have stared at it for a long time, though, because he pulled me from my thoughts to say that he was going to touch my soul. Yeah, I wasn’t too sure that was a good idea, but he knew a skele- **ton** more about souls than I did, and… heh, I couldn’t exactly just say no.

Was not at all ready for what happened, though. I don’t think I could have ever prepared myself for it. So, you know that moment right before an orgasm? That really, _really_ intense moment where the whole fucking world melts? Yeah, imagine that, but extended for a fucking _eternity_. As soon as he touched me, I could not begin to understand anything around me. Pretty sure I was drooling, and I’m also pretty sure I was on the floor at this point. While he was touching my soul, which felt like I was being touched simultaneously everywhere, he was speaking in a low voice. Couldn’t understand what he was saying, but the fucking sound of his voice wasn’t exactly helping my situation. It felt like forever, but I finally passed out, unable to take any more of that feeling.

And that, my friend, was the best “sex” I had ever had. Monsters definitely do it right.

Asgore came by the next day, wanting results from Gaster’s research. Gaster didn’t let him in the room with me, but I could still hear the guy’s voice. Asgore seemed to get upset that Gaster wasn’t acting like he normally did, and asked him if he was having nightmares again. He seemed more concerned that Gaster was letting his memories get the better of him. He told him that working with humans was probably not a great idea, given his tasks during the war. Gaster just pushed him out of the lab and pretended the visit never happened, but he was preoccupied the entire day, and refused to do the soul thing again for that day, as if he were afraid Asgore would barge in and catch us. Which, I suppose, was logical for him to think. I wanted to ask what he'd done but the war was a very touchy subject, you know...

It was almost time for him to go back to wherever he goes at night, but he surprised me. He told me he needed to know if I could run away if he gave me the chance. He wanted me to escape so that I would live. He said there was no way for me to stay without Asgore killing me, and that he wanted to avoid that. He said that if there came a day that he didn’t hear my constant chatter, it might kill him. We planned for it for a couple days, how I would escape and hide in waterfall and wait for him to join me. He said the most difficult part would be that he would have to disappear as well, which was no small task for someone who everyone knew existed and would look for. He called up an old war buddy of his, and swore him to secrecy, saying to vouch for him, say that he was hiding in the veteran's chamber or something, whatever that meant.

That night, the plans were settled and everything was tense and quiet. It was like the calm before a storm, as clichéd as that shit is. Well, to break the tension, we settled into one of our little talks, which… well, it didn’t last long.

"Hey, can I wear your lab coat?"

He smiled. "Why would you want to wear it?"

"You can wear it, too. Big enough for both of us, isn't it?"

That made him laugh, and he came closer to me. He picked me up effortlessly, which always surprised me. He sat down on my bed and settled me in his lap. "This is what you were asking for, yes?"

I couldn't help but give him that grin he seemed to hate. "You know, for someone who is so disgusted by humans, you could sure fool me right about now."

He feigned confusion. "I don't know what you mean, meat bag."

"c'mon doc, don't be like that." I laughed. "i mean—" I never really got to finish my thoughts, because he pressed his face to mine and I was just stunned to silence for a moment. Yeah, kissing without lips is a bit awkward at first, but it let me concentrate on feeling him up under that goddamned turtleneck he was wearing. I wanted to know why his bones were so warm and didn't feel hard. Like, I'm pretty sure that if he were to just death grip me to him, it wouldn't hurt. That would require getting him to be rough, though, and he certainly wasn't having that.

I don't think I ever had a more passionate lover. Just like I was exploring his body, he begun exploring mine— and holy fuck was he thorough! Just when I thought I couldn't take any more, he scooped me up again and loomed over me. His voice was that low, dangerous groan that still haunts me. "Are you ready?" Oh god, I couldn't speak, I just lay there and nodded stupidly and he removed our souls. They didn't show any hesitation, so I didn't really have time to prepare.

Man, that was some heavy shit. I didn't even have the luxury of passing out, that time. When he had touched my soul before, there had been pressure from all sides all over my body—but this was different in so many ways. When our souls touched, the pressure came from within, and it felt like I was melting, like he was melting, and god if we weren't pressed together, a fucking shivering, moaning mess... We were experiencing everything simultaneously as two separate entities. Everything was together, but also singular. That's the best I can do to explain it. I'm sure he could do a better job, but I'm not the scientist. I'm also no poet.

After the initial feelings became something we could get used to, we once again began to get handsy. He was less gentle now, and I discovered that he really enjoyed squeezing my neck so he could feel my pulse. I liked it too, for different reasons. And his voice, his voice was so fucking _dark_ and it just... fuck, I feel all tingly just thinking about it, years later. Can't remember what he said, but...

We eventually collapsed together, and our souls returned to us. He was trying not to crush me. His hands were shaking, and he was gently touching my scars. They weren't nearly as sore as they used to be, but I really appreciated his gentleness... He wouldn't quit staring at me, praising me...

Agh...

Sorry, give me a minute… I just… miss him.

Ah… okay… well, anyway…

We got a bit of sleep, but only just a bit. I held him all night, his skull pressed to my chest. Asgore found us like that in the afternoon. Gaster got up and threatened Asgore—not just his king and commanding officer, but one of his oldest friends! When that didn’t work, he pleaded. He said things about how human lives are fleeting, and taking me away from him wouldn’t aid in his research. Asgore had commented that he wasn’t sure if Gaster should continue his research. He mentioned someone named Torbernite, and Gaster asserted that I was "nothing like that." Asgore said no more, and left. Gaster tried to set my escape in motion that night, but Asgore caught us… and took me away from him. I begged Asgore to leave me, or to at least let me see Gaster one more time. Asgore looked sad, but… agreed that Gaster should probably witness my death. For closure, if nothing else.

I could feel Gaster’s presence from afar. That made it all the more painful, knowing that he was alone, and hurting the same way I was. I almost regretted bonding with him, just from that. It made me aware that he would feel me die. He would feel everything, and then have to continue on with a piece of himself gone. I remember thinking “What will happen to my consciousness? Is there a heaven or a hell?” So much bullshit, you know? I kept thinking and thinking, and trying to calm myself down, hoping that, if he could feel me too, he would feel better knowing that I was at least keeping my calm. It was the least I could do for him. But then I felt raw, seething anger flowing from him. He was inconsolable, and I spent the night wondering what had happened to so seriously fuck with his head.

The next morning, the assigned date of my execution, I noticed something odd about Gaster. Other than the entire lack of emotion on his face, he had grey markings on his skull, in the same places my scars were on my head. I looked at Asgore and felt the fear crawling through me, seeing that damned trident, knowing that time was running out. Gaster called to me, but not out loud. “Look at me, Blue. Just look at me.” I was thankful for the distraction. I could feel him trying to draw away my fear—and when Asgore finally…

I wasn’t the one who felt the pain. The grey markings on his skull… He cracked from it, in the same places I'd cracked when I fell down.

I tried to focus. It was really hard to. “Gaster… I promise you, I’ll see you again.”

Everything started to get… all white-hot and stuff, and then everything got dark. I didn’t really feel the pain until after I knew I was dead. I don’t know what I expected, but I’d hoped I’d at least be able to see him... That’s okay, though. I always keep my promises.

I’ll see him again even if it fucking kills me ~~again~~.


	2. A Promise Kept for a Promise Made

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Does Grillby remember Gaster?  
> How did Sans and Paps even end up in Snowdin, especially with the sweet digs?  
> Did Blue somehow keep his promise to precious Goat Mom?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry this chapter is so short, but I felt that if I added anything in, it would cheapen it.  
> Let me know if I made any mistakes! I like to pride myself on trying to keep it as close to believable as I can. If there is something in canon that contradicts me, do tell!

“Sans, you don’t really have to pay your tab.”

Sans shook his head and handed over part of his most recent check. “don’t get **fired** up. runnin a business ain’t cheap, grillbz.”

Grillby sighed. He knew that if he continued to refuse, Sans would just sneak the money into the till. He’d done it before.

Sans turned around and headed back out. Grillby threw a bottle of ketchup at him, and the short skeleton caught it effortlessly. Sans gestured with the bottle in a way that tickled painfully at Grillby’s memory. He struggled to grasp the memory, but it managed to elude him still.

Years ago, Grillby had found the two skeletons foraging, and when Sans had seen Grillby, he had rushed forward as if he knew him. Or, more accurately, _of_ him. Again, Grillby tried to think of anywhere he would have seen someone like them before, but chalked it up to repressed memories of the War.

Grillby had started renting out his house to the boys—he preferred to live in the studio under the bar, anyway— and tried to keep an eye out for them. He was always the first reference Sans would put down for a job. As for that, Grillby was afraid Sans would burn himself out, no pun intended. Even now, he was trudging off to yet another post where he’d just sit and catch up on lost sleep, presumably.

Again, memories he couldn’t grasp tugged at his attention, fleeing before he could glimpse them. Something about white coats and ink smudges. Frustrated, he began vigorously polishing the glassware again.

 

* * *

 

 

Sans felt different today. He didn’t know how to explain it, and that bothered him even more. Gaster had taught him well how to use his words—Sans had just never really enjoyed using them without need. Sans didn’t realize he’d walked past his post. The snow didn’t crunch under his slippers, and the air was deadly still. Nothing audible roused his attention; he was trapped in his thoughts.

That feeling in his bones, like a constant tug. It irked him, but he didn’t like the sensation of pulling away, either. He’d never been this far out, he realized when he saw where he was. He was about to turn back, weird pulling feeling be damned, but he saw something up ahead that he hadn’t expected. A… door?

Different feelings surged into him, and he didn’t understand why they were there. Peace, happiness, relief. _Tug_. He trudged toward the door, trying to understand his out of place emotions. Regret, apprehension, remorse. _Tug_. He stood before the massive door, and tried to figure out what he was supposed to do, now.

He shrugged to himself and knocked. Nothing happened, and he felt sad for some reason. Just as he always did when he wasn’t sure how to proceed, he made a joke out of the situation. He felt better, more himself. So he knocked again and told another one. His grin was a bit brighter now. He continued to practice his jokes until his shift ended. He even waved goodbye, though he didn’t know why he felt compelled to.

The next day, the tug brought him back to the door, and he once again spent his shift practicing horrible knock knock jokes. The following day, he didn’t even notice the tug—he hadn’t been resisting it.

The moment he heard the voice from beyond the door, he felt his own emotions; Surprise, anxiety… but also something else. Relief, joy… It felt like coming home. For some reason, this woman’s voice made him feel safe… and like, somehow, this was something that was supposed to happen.

A promise kept.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, that's one less plot hole, eh? I actually had intended to have another part in this, talking about Sans's lab, but it would have seriously spoiled something in Soul-Searcher... So, beat me up in the comments, and I might give you some hints ;)


	3. S.S. Skelehuman Part One

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Okay, guys, this will have to be in chunks.  
> If you have not read Soul-Searcher, I strongly suggest it, or else this likely won't make a damn bit of sense.  
> TIMELINE SPAN: Chapter 4 of Soul-Searcher, where Sans has his attack is where this begins, roughly. This chapter extends to Papyrus's date. I try to put as much detail and allusion to when each part takes place. Please be patient with me, as this is much more than I expected to happen/write.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I sat down and wrote for 4 hours or so. Looked at page count, before edits and spacing. 26 pages. And I'm not even done yet.  
> So yeah, it has to be broken into pieces.  
> I suppose you could use this as a refresher, but I promise there are bits of information that never made it into the main fic interspersed in here somewhere!  
> Also, despite edits, please forgive me if it still seems a bit OOC, as my understanding is that online, people speak differently than in person. Hopefully, it isn't distracting or something, but tell me if I've made a mistake or seven!
> 
> One Last Thing, though. I, uh... tried my best to imitate a simple website format, I hope it's okay!  
> Chat Handles:  
> ModStrongFish91: Undyne  
> ModMewMew: Alphys  
> LegSoHot: Mettaton  
> OldFlame867: Grillby  
> ParlourPet: Muffet  
> MotherShip: Toriel  
> TOTALLYSUPPOSEDTOBEHERE95: take a wild frickin guess.
> 
> Stricken lines are things that don't show up on the website, but are necessary to explain what is going on, such as descriptions of pictures and videos posted, or the website crashing.  
> (Others will appear later!)

It was late at night, and Undyne had insisted on crashing at Alphys’s place that night, needing some time to reflect on the day in private, especially since she wouldn't have to work the next morning. Undyne and Alphys were watching Mew Mew Kissy Cutie for the umpteenth time. Undyne was only barely paying attention to the screen, interlocking her fingers to untangle them and then do it again. It was a little exercise she did before playing the piano (hey, she knew the value of stretching before throwing herself into any impassioned activity!) but she also frequently found herself doing it when she was thinking about something with far more effort than usual.

Alphys, of course, noticed as well. “Undyne, is s-something wrong?”

“Papyrus was acting weird today.” She remarked. “And then, Sans had one of his little attacks.”

“Oh… is he okay?”

“Yeah, and that’s what got me. The human. Papyrus was back to normal, for the most part, after they left, and they helped Sans calm down by joking with him.”

“Wow… that’s unexpected.” Alphys looked a bit curious, but was reluctant to add anything further.

“How so? Is it ‘cause he was threatening their life just this morning?”

Alphys nodded. “Y-yeah, he thought I couldn’t hear him.”

Undyne chortled. “He has the subtlety of an egg sandwich. But you should have seen Papyrus, today! He got all dressed up ‘cause he wanted the human to think he was handsome.”

“Really?!” She covered her face with her adorably pudgy hands. Undyne grabbed one of them and smiled warmly.

 _Precious little chibi hands._ She thought and blushed. She remembered what they were talking about, and pulled her attention from Alphys’s hand. “Yeah, and then after he ran out, he had to come back in for his glasses. And then, he hesitated, ‘cause he thought that maybe they didn’t look good on him.”

“Oh, wow. How did they look, by the way?”

She grimaced. “Dude, you know what I think.” They were best friends, but Undyne simply wasn’t interested any further than that.

“Yeah, I know, but did he look dorky or something?”

“No worse than you.” She pulled Alphys into a hug. “But it made him look older. Kind of creepy.”

“How did the human react?”

She shrugged. “Oh my _god_ though, I don’t know which of them to ship the human with, to be honest.”

Alphys and Undyne exchanged glances. Nervous glances full of reluctant memory. “Never again.” Alphys reminded Undyne.

“But that time—!”

“Never again.” The lizard’s voice was firmer, now. “We ruined their relationship with our shipping, and I’d really not like that to happen again.”

“But we could like… I don’t know, keep it a secret or something!”

“Undyne, no.”

 _Undyne, yes!_ She internally yelled, but thought again. “Okay, I’ll drop it… but, I wanna ask you real quick. Which one do you ship?”

Alphys groaned in frustration. “I don’t ship either of them!” But she was blushing.

“Gonna have to try harder than that, babe.”

She blushed harder. “I don’t, though.”

“Okay, but humor me. Which one would the human be cuter with? Which one would be the best match?”

She was quiet for a moment. “Well…” Those tiny fingers wiggled, her claws tapping against her jaw. “Wouldn’t it be cool for Sans to actually have a friend? Other than the queen, of course. And Papyrus. Neither of them count.”

“So you ship them as friends with benefits. I can totally get on with that.” She hummed in thought. At this point, the anime was forgotten. “But I think I disagree. I kind of think they’d be perfect for Papyrus. I mean, they patiently explained things to him and me earlier, and… I don’t know, the admiration in his eyes. And the fact that they complement him in so many ways.”

Alphys shook her head in distaste. Undyne had known just what buttons to push. “N-no, no. That’s all wrong. Okay, you’ve said it yourself a million times, he’s just an overgrown kid. To try to imagine him in a serious, adult, _romantic_ relationship, it’s… gross. He's not ready for that.”

“He’s not a kid, though, Al, and maybe that’s what would help him grow up!” Yeah, it wasn’t what she really thought, but she did actually believe the human and Papyrus would make a good team. Both of them seemed too curious and friendly for their own good.

“That isn’t the basis for a healthy relationship!” She squealed, looking intensely offended.

“Let’s settle this, then!” Undyne crowed in victory. “Let’s gather all of the information we can, and compile and see which of us is right!”

Alphys noticed at this point that Undyne had done exactly what others did to her all the time. “You’re terrible.” She felt remorse already crawling under her scales. Now she knew how it felt to turn Undyne's tenacity back on her. She told herself she wouldn't do it ever again.

“I know, and you love it!” She brayed, making a goofy face at Alphys to make her crack up. “The usual wager?” She asked.

There was no backing out of it now. “F-fine. The usual wager.”

That was a joke between them. Usually the wager was who would make the first move—but this time, they would be betting on their friends like race snails. “So, how do we do this?” Undyne asked.

“I guess, whoever wins is the groom’s First Hand.” In monster ceremonies, both parties choose one monster (sometimes two, under specific circumstances) to be their First Hand. It was one of those traditions that most people kind of forgot the meaning of. Basically, the First Hand’s job was to just stand there and look good and preferably not cry like a baby. “But the brothers would probably choose each other for that.” Alphys mused.

“Then whoever wins is the human’s First Hand.”

They laughed and agreed on the stakes.

Alphys accidentally let it slip around Mettaton, who couldn’t solidly pick a side. He said he was curious how everyone else would react. He urged Alphys to create a website and have everyone vote which pairing was the true OTP—but Alphys said it would backfire like it did last time.

Last time Undyne and Alphys had gotten carried away with shipping, the couple had found the information and it ended up breaking their relationship. Alphys still felt guilty about it.

“Then just… can’t you block their access? That way they won’t see it!” Mettaton said.

Undyne actually agreed with Mettaton, to Alphys’s shock.

 

* * *

 

 **ModMewMew says:**  
The purpose of this website is to entertain the notion of which of the skeleton brothers the human should date! Feel free to contribute your opinion, but out of respect for the subjects of our attention, please do not repeat anything you see on this site. You are officially sworn to secrecy!

 **ModStrongFish91 says:**  
Anyone who tells the bone-bros or the human will be beaten to a pulp! I will personally maim you!

 **ModMewMew says:** _@ModStrongFish91_  
We need to recap. I showed Sans… a dirty manga showing naked humans. He reacted as if he were disturbed by the images.

 **ModStrongFish91 says:** _@ModMewMew_  
So what? Doesn’t mean he’ll be picturing them naked—or without skin, if that’s how it works for skeletons. Ugh, that’s kind of gross to think about either way. Anyway, my ship is better fit to sail!

 

* * *

 

 **ModStrongFish91 says:**  
Oh, shit, the human has more scars than I do. When Papyrus saw them, he had this look of heartbreak on his face. He was so quiet and somber and told them that he would be there if they needed him! _@ModMewMew_ I’m winning!

 **ModMewMew says:** _@StrongFish91_  
You’re forgetting something important. Namely everything else that happened that night. Like the human and Sans sitting together on the couch and making eyes at each other while the movie was going… well, when we weren’t being creeped out by the movie, that is.

 **ModStrongFish91 says:**  
Yeah, that movie was kinda fucked up. Ouran is cool, though. Anyway, remember when Papyrus got home though? He was so disappointed that the human wasn’t still there, and even more confused that Sans wasn’t home. Dare I say he could have been jealous?!

 **ModMewMew says:**  
Nope, don’t play these games with me, we both know something happened between the human and Sans, because he was blushing like crazy when he got home and hid away so you couldn’t question him anymore.

 **ModStrongFish91 says:**  
Okay, I can’t really deny it, I ship them with both brothers, okay? Separately, of course, eww. But no, I made Sans lend the human a shirt to wear. I’m pretty sure he had to dig for one that wasn’t gross. He put forth effort for the ship!

 **OldFlame867 says:**  
Sans stopped in yesterday seeming quite bothered. He drank four bottles of ketchup. At this rate, I might run out. When I asked him what was wrong, he said he doesn’t like being watched. He’s onto you, Undyne. Beware.

 **LegSoHot says:**  
Of course he would be the first one to ruin the fun.

 **OldFlame867 says:**  
Indeed, but he’s also frustrated that he can’t find the source. _@ModMewMew_ I salute your foresight.

 

* * *

 

 **ModStrongFish91 says:**  
Omg I found out what was up last night with Sans! Apparently, he had to drag the human back to the ruins and felt their ribs through the shirt and jacket, or something. I’m almost sure that’s what it was!

 **LegSoHot says:**  
Oh myyy that’s… wait, that’s gross.

 **ModMewMew says:**  
Don’t kinkshame him. You of all people have no right to kinkshame. I’m going to bed now.

 **MotherShip says:**  
Oh, that’s adorable! I can’t figure out which of them I ship, either… In any case, I think I broke a rule. I told the human. Oops.

 **ModStrongFish91 says:**  
Who are you and where are you? You’re going down!

 **LegSoHot says:**  
You barbarian, you! Talking to the queen like that.

 **MotherShip says:**  
You have no proof!

 **LegSoHot says:**  
Definitely the queen.

 

* * *

 

 **OldFlame867 says:**  
Sans and the human are eating together and talking easily. They are joking back and forth, even.

 **MotherShip says:**  
What are they talking about?

 **OldFlame867 says:**  
They become quiet every time I approach. It must be relatively innocuous, as neither of them seem to blush, although they are laughing quite noisily. I will post again when I learn more.

 

* * *

 

 **ModMewMew says:**  
OH NO THE HUMAN IS SICK! They won’t let anyone visit, they say they’re going to be okay, they just need some time alone to get the sickness out of their system.

 **ModStrongFish91 says:**  
I WILL BUST DOWN THEIR DOOR!

 **MotherShip says:**  
I command you not to! It’s bad enough they won’t be able to prepare for Dancing Day.

 **LegSoHot says:**  
Oooh, queenie, did they say they would be participating?

 **MotherShip says:**  
I speak only if they are given space to properly heal. Trust the human on human illnesses, if they need to be alone, let them. Don’t cause them undue stress or they might die!

 **ModMewMew says:**  
Don’t think that’s a real danger right now, but I agree anyway.

 **ModStrongFish91 says:**  
TELL ME TELL ME NOW!!!!1

 **MotherShip says:**  
They waffled back and forth on three ideas, but it was all apparently the same character they wanted to portray. They described all three but I honestly don’t understand what any of them were or where one idea ended and the next began. So the mental image I have is quite grotesque.

 **LegSoHot says:**  
…I want to call and ask. _@ParlourPet_ how well can you make a costume you have no idea what looks like?

 **ParlourPet says:**  
You’re kidding, right, dearie?

 **LegSoHot says:**  
Where the hell is Grillby with that update?! Also, they won’t answer my calls.

 **OldFlame867 says:** _@LegSoHot_  
My apologies. I’m taking care of a dear old friend of mine who has been slumbering for an exceptionally long while. You shall meet them at the party, as we will both be in attendance. Perhaps we can talk after the party about the update.

 

* * *

 

 **MotherShip says:**  
It’s a pity that we’re here enjoying this party without them. Whose costume would impress them the most?

 **LegSoHot says:**  
Definitely mine, queenie! I’m sure they’re cultured enough to recognize my portrayal as the main character from my next feature film!

 **TOTALLYSUPPOSEDTOBEHERE95 says:**  
THEY WOULD BE WOWED BY THEIR BEST FRIEND DRESSED UP LIKE THEIR OTHER BEST FRIEND MORE SO!

 **OldFlame867 says:**  
Is that…?

 **ModMewMew says:**  
HOW DID YOU GET ON HERE?!

 **LegSoHot says:** _@OldFlame867_  
Where is that update? Also, is your friend single? Are you, for that matter? You’re much… hotter in person.

 **ModStrongFish91 says:**  
SOMEONE BLOCK PAPYRUS, HURRY!

 **TOTALLYSUPPOSEDTOBEHERE95 says:**  
QUIT LOOKING AT YOUR PHONES AND ENJOY MY PARTY, AND I’LL LEAVE ON MY OWN!

 

* * *

 

 **OldFlame867 says:**  
Day One: Sans and the Human (heretofore known as Shale, for my writing convenience) entered my bar, and asked for my help in deceiving everyone as payback for the creation of this website. I wasn’t entirely sure if it was a good idea at first, but when I realized how much Sans was putting into this idea, I saw it for what it truly could be: A way to sail this ship over the horizon! I encouraged the idea and made a vow of secrecy, which would be disbanded after the party. Which, if I am correct, just ended at the time of my posting this.

Day Two: Sans brought Shale to me, and I had to teach them how to stand and walk correctly, as their new body was very cumbersome in comparison to their natural one. It was also at this time that I helped them choose the name, after a dear friend of the Surface world, pre-war. This was purely fictitious, I assure you. However, Earth Dragons usually did take War Names from that which birthed them… so I thought it was a fitting title.

In any case, I let Shale sleep on my couch, and at all hours of the day, Sans would appear over to check on them. He kept it professional. His mannerisms were stiff and unyielding, as if he were studying a dangerous creature from afar while prodding it with a stick. The idea of a human becoming a monster in image so fully and convincingly is quite rattling, I must also admit. I digress again… He would maintain the amount of magic input required to sustain the disguise, which I could tell exhausted him. I offered my help, but there was very little I could do. Either mine and Sans’s magic do not mix well, or there is something within Shale that repels my magic.

Day Three: I caught them telling jokes back and forth on the couch, and Shale accidentally smacked Sans hard with their wing, sending him flying. No damage, luckily, but I don’t believe I’ve ever heard Sans laugh that hard or loudly. Also, now that Shale looks like a monster, I find it easier to read their mannerisms… and the smile they were showing was overjoyed.

Day Four: They were telling jokes that made me blush. Anyone who knows me personally understand I don’t fluster easily. I didn’t understand half of the references—it must be a youth thing. Regardless, they have fully relaxed around each other, and Sans doesn’t stare at them like a test tube anymore. That is a great relief, as now I feel that, if nothing else, they have become friends.

Day Five: After closing, they went out back, and Sans and I coached Shale in moving fluidly again—mostly in concern to those wings. When I asked Sans where he’d gotten the inspiration for the wings, he just shrugged and said that it had been all their work, he’d just supplied the magic and let them bend it to their will. Once again, I must remind you I don’t fluster lightly, but you all understand just what that could have meant in a different context. No wonder his attitude has been changing so swiftly—he’s been channeling his magic into them which in and of itself is a staggering gesture of faith.  
This also explains why Shale can so inconspicuously interact with his magic as if it is their own skin. They trust him as well, and the mutual feeling between them allows them to work from each other’s soul. I’m sure you will understand… This is truly a good match. A simple nudge in the right direction, and this ship would be unsinkable. They are remarkably compatible—and I’ve noticed a change in Sans’s behavior.

Day Six: I tire of fire-based puns. Especially the ones that were designed specifically to fluster me. I did not anticipate Sans and Shale being around each other to lead to my being constantly bombarded by puns of a vulgar nature. As I was becoming aggravated as well as out of curiosity, I made a scathing and just as vulgar comeback in Shale’s direction. To my satisfaction, I learned that Shale can still blush, intensely so. I also noticed that Sans looked uncomfortable—perhaps a bit jealous. Oh, what was it that I said, though? It was very suggestive and under normal circumstances I would never have said it, especially in such a crude way. Ask Shale, they’ll probably remember, I’m too tired to continue. I’m exhausted. They’ve been in the next room laughing and carrying on about all kinds of garbage, joking and playfully smacking each other across the room, Sans with his magic, Shale with their wings and tail. They have effectively kept me up all night with their noise.

Day Seven: The party is tomorrow, and so they’ve been getting nervous. Both of them. Shale and I were alone and they remarked that they were thankful of my help. I must admit, I feel a bit guilty for betraying their trust, but it will certainly be worth it to see Sans be happy in the end. I digress yet again, forgive me. Shale also asked me if I thought Sans would still be their friend after the costume was unraveled. I said I’d seldom seen him happier than he’d been this week. The seed has been planted, now we shall watch it grow.

In Conclusion: There is very little I can add, now that we are preparing for the party. Hopefully my involvement doesn’t hinder this relationship. I have been watching over Sans for years now, and I was always concerned he’d never learn to take care of himself. This is what he needs. He needs someone who makes him feel good about himself. I do not know how the party will go, but I haven’t been this excited for anything in years. If anyone ruins this for them, I will personally show them my War Name. Good evening and enjoy the holiday.

 **MotherShip says:**  
Oh dear, wow.

 **LegSoHot says:** _@OldFlame867_  
Are you single, though?

 **OldFlame867 says:** _@LegSoHot_  
My sincerest apologies, but I am not interested.

 **MotherShip says:**  
Did anyone miss the fact that the brothers almost fought each other? Over the human?

 **TOTALLYSUPPOSEDTOBEHERE95 says:**  
I WOULD NOT HAVE HARMED MY BROTHER. I SIMPLY THOUGHT THE HUMAN HAD BEEN EATEN BY SHALE. YOU ARE ALL MISSING A VITAL PIECE TO THE PUZZLE. BUT SINCE YOU WANT TO BLOCK ME, I WILL LET YOU SOLVE IT ON YOUR OWN!

 **ModStrongFish91 says:** _@TOTALLYSUPPOSEDTOBEHERE95_  
I will break you, you will tell me!

 **LegSoHot says:**  
Sans just flirted with the human, oh my heart!

 **ModStrongFish91 says:** _@LegSoHot_  
WHAT DID HE SAY

 **LegSoHot says:**  
He made a pun about giving them his phone number.

 **ModStrongFish91 says:**  
HE’S GETTING THAT PHONE NUMBER! RIGHT NOW! I WILL GIVE HIM THE NUMBER!

 **ModMewMew says:**  
Is anyone else curious what Papyrus had to say, because I am.

 

* * *

 

 **TOTALLYSUPPOSEDTOBEHERE95 says:**  
IT HAS BEEN DONE. THE HUMAN AND I ARE DATING NOW.

~~*S.S. Skelehuman has crashed.~~

 

* * *

 

 **TOTALLYSUPPOSEDTOBEHERE95 says:**  
IT WAS NOT A JOKE. THEY AGREED TO GO ON A DATE WITH ME, AND I WAS VERY HAPPY. HOWEVER, THEY PROFESSED THAT ALTHOUGH THEY GREATLY CARE ABOUT ME AS A FRIEND, THAT IS THE EXTENT OF THEIR FEELINGS. I AM GLAD THAT THEY DIDN’T TREAT ME LIKE GLASS—I AM VERY INTELLIGENT AND KNOW THAT THEY UNDERSTAND I CAN TELL WHEN I’M BEING LIED TO.  
WE SPENT THE EVENING TOGETHER—BUT THIS WAS NOT FOR MY BENEFIT ALONE. IF I AM CORRECT, SANS HAS BEEN SULKING AT GRILLBY’S THE ENTIRE TIME. _@OldFlame867_ AM I CORRECT?

 **OldFlame867 says:**  
Yes, he drank the rest of my ketchup. I was wondering why he seemed so stressed out. Why was this necessary, Papyrus?

 **TOTALLY SUPPOSEDTOBEHERE95 says:**  
ALTHOUGH I ADMIT I WOULD ENJOY DATING THE HUMAN, I ALSO FEEL THEY ARE A WONDERFUL MATCH FOR MY BROTHER, AND SO I TOOK THE BEST COURSE OF ACTION I COULD TO MAKE HIM AWARE OF THAT. PERHAPS IF HE FEELS THE NEED FOR URGENCY, HE’LL REACT IN KIND. HOWEVER, AS WE KNOW, HE IS LAZY. I WOULDN’T BE SURPRISED IF HE PROCRASTINATES FOREVER, LULLED INTO A COMFORTABLE PLATEAU INSTEAD OF BEING AWESOME LIKE ME AND JUST SAYING HOW HE FEELS!

 **ModStrongFish91 says:** _@TOTALLYSUPPOSEDTOBEHERE95_  
Dude, how do you feel, anyway?

 **OldFlame867 says:**  
I just saw Shale and Sans walk past the bar together. Shale was wearing his jacket. They looked happy.

 **ParlourPet says:**  
Do they not have their own coat?

 **OldFlame867 says:**  
Don’t you dare ruin this. If my hissing against the snow wouldn’t alert them to my presence, I would follow them and listen in.

 **LegSoHot says:**  
I think the wait is killing me.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope this wild ride was fun for you guys as well. Depending on the reaction, I might post another ten pages tonight. Since, you know... I have 26 pages.  
> After the S.S. Skelehuman is completely caught up, though, the only addition to this sub-fic will be What Happened to Frisk?  
> But, I'm sure you understand, that will be a bit later, into the plot and angsty bits of Soul-Searcher.  
> Please be patient with me, love you all!  
> ~Z


	4. S.S. Skelehuman Part Two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This covers Chapter 10 through 16 of Soul-Searcher!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I said I'd throw the next one up, and I meant it! The next one can't come out to play yet until the point in the story where the website becomes obsolete. Don't worry, that will be soon. (Sooner than I'd honestly thought!)  
> Thank you to butnobodycame for listening to me drone on and on about the shipping scandals! I am filled with DETERMINATION to finish this fic!  
> Stay tuned, guys, because the main fic will be updated soon!
> 
> Chat Handles:  
> ModStrongFish91: Undyne  
> ModMewMew: Alphys  
> LegSoHot: Mettaton  
> OldFlame867: Grillby  
> ParlourPet: Muffet  
> MotherShip: Toriel  
> TOTALLYSUPPOSEDTOBEHERE95: Papyrus  
> Nihilist95: Burgerpants
> 
> Stricken lines are things that don't show up on the website, but are necessary to explain what is going on, such as descriptions of pictures and videos posted, or the website crashing.

**ModMewMew says:**  
OMG SANS ASKED ME TO X-RAY THE HUMAN!

 **ParlourPet says:**  
???

 **ModMewMew says:**  
It’s where you take a picture of a creature, but it looks through all the meat and flesh and stuff. Basically, he wants to see what their skeleton looks like!

 **LegSoHot says:**  
Oh, god I was right! That’s still gross…

 **ModMewMew says:** _@LegSoHot_  
I’ve had to clean your browsing history, you seriously have no room to kinkshame.

 **LegSoHot says:**  
Morbid curiosity, darling. Morbid curiosity.

 **ModMewMew says:**  
That’s almost what he said, too. He doesn’t look very embarrassed. Maybe he was actually just curious after all…

 **OldFlame867 says:**  
He still stares at them like that?

 **ModMewMew says:**  
Yes, but then the human started moving around and giggling, and he immediately appeared next to them to check on them.

 

* * *

 

 **LegSoHot says:**  
The human is now going to be working for me! Everyone stay tuned for my newest movie, where we will see the human as we’ve never seen them before! With me~!

 **ModStrongFish91 says:**  
NOtp!

 **LegSoHot says:**  
Oh, you should have seen Sans’s face when the human was singing to me. That was pure, unadulterated jealousy.

 **OldFlame867 says:**  
May I remind you I’m out of ketchup? Please don’t prompt him to resort to other sauces.

 

* * *

 

 **Nihilist95 says:** _@LegSoHot_  
You malicious bucket of bolts! Phantom ducked into the dressing room and then threw that dress out at me. I laughed so frickin hard at it, though.

 **ModStrongFish91 says:** _@LegSoHot_  
Who the hell is that, and what dress are they talking about?

 **LegSoHot says:**  
_@ModStrongFish91_ It’s our co-star. _@Nihilist95_ They refused to wear it?

 **Nihilist95 says:** _@LegSoHot_  
Of course they refused to wear it. Don’t worry, though. I have a plan to get them to wear something like it in the future. Your mistake was that it was a dress, I’m pretty sure. They’re getting ready for the performance right now! Is that mix done yet?

 **ModStrongFish91 says:**  
I’ve got the boys watching it right now! Sans looks very uncomfortable!

 **TOTALLYSUPPOSEDTOBEHERE95 says:** _@ModStrongFish91_  
THAT IS BECAUSE YOU’RE STARING AT HIM TWO INCHES FROM HIS FACE. SANS LIKES HIS PERSONAL SPACE. EVEN I KNOW THIS.

 **ModStrongFish91 says:**  
TOO BAD!

 **LegSoHot says:**  
If neither of the boys pursue the Phantom, I certainly would. Is anyone else hearing this? This is heartwrenching!

 **ModMewMew says:**  
This is the weirdest thing I’ve ever seen.

 **LegSoHot says:** _@ModMewMew_  
Have you seen mirrors lately?

 **ModStrongFish91 says:** _@LegSoHot_  
I’m gonna pummel you!

 **ModMewMew says:** _@ModStrongFish91_  
How are they reacting?

 **ModStrongfish91 says:**  
Like a charm. After the performance, Sans went straight to his room to avoid questioning, so Papyrus and I are sitting here talking loudly where we know he can hear us!

 **TOTALLYSUPPOSEDTOBEHERE95 says:**  
I BELIEVE IN HIM, HE WILL COME AROUND EVENTUALLY. THE HUMAN MAKES HIM TOO HAPPY FOR HIM TO DENY IT FOREVER.

 

* * *

 

 **ModMewMew says:**  
Nobody panic, but there was a mild accident at the lab yesterday while I was delivering Cinny’s child. The human was climbing on a counter and fell off. They’re fine, but they were passed out on the floor when Sans and I returned. The only reason I’m telling anyone is because Sans did something that I have to share: When he saw them on the floor, his first reaction was to pick them up and crush them to his chest and beg them to wake up. Luckily, they woke up, and didn’t scramble away, though it might have been because they were too weak to.

 **LegSoHot says:** _@ModMewMew_  
How is everything?

 **ModMewMew says:** _@LegSoHot_  
Everyone is okay. The human will be staying so… I can keep an eye on them.

 **LegSoHot says:** _@ModMewMew_  
Stay strong, darling. I know it’s stressful.

 

* * *

 

 **TOTALLYSUPPOSEDTOBEHERE95 says:**  
SANS HAS BEEN HUMMING AROUND THE HOUSE A LOT MORE THAN USUAL. I DON’T RECOGNIZE THE SONGS. THEY ARE QUITE CATCHY, THOUGH.

 **ModStrongFish91 says:**  
Since MewMew hasn’t updated in the past few days, I feel the need to put that I’M VERY FRUSTRATED THAT THERE IS NOTHING NEW TO TALK ABOUT!

 

* * *

 

 **LegSoHot says:**  
Announcing! A brand new tour in honor of our returned friends and family! Get your tickets now, the tour starts tomorrow!

 **TOTALLYSUPPOSEDTOBEHERE95 says:**  
I WANT TO GO BUT I CAN’T!

 **LegSoHot says:**  
For such a devoted fan, you will be receiving a signed copy of Phantom of the Underground—on the one condition that you make Sans watch it with you and tell us all his reactions!

 **TOTALLYSUPPOSEDTOBEHERE95 says:**  
I’LL ALLOW IT!

 **LegSoHot says:**  
Everyone be aware that there will be spoilers to the movie, since this is the first copy~!

 

* * *

 

 **TOTALLYSUPPOSEDTOBEHERE95 says:**  
HE REFUSED TO WATCH IT, BUT THEN THE HUMAN SHOWED UP AND AS SOON AS HE HEARD THEM, HE CAME OUT OF HIS ROOM! I MANAGED TO GET THEM ALL TOGETHER TO WATCH THE MOVIE WITH ME!

 **LegSoHot says:**  
You’ve outdone yourself, darling! I’ll send you a copy of my newest CD, as a reward!

 **TOTALLYSUPPOSEDTOBEHERE95 says:**  
THE MOVIE WAS AMAZING! THE HUMAN’S EXPRESSION DURING MOST OF IT WAS SO SWEET, TOO! THEY LOOKED LIKE THEY WERE RECALLING SOMETHING VERY FOND! SANS WAS INTO THE MOVIE ALMOST AS MUCH AS I! THE HUMAN MUST HAVE NOTICED AND BEEN SURPRISED, AS THEY KEPT PEEKING OVER AT HIM. HE PUT HIS HOOD UP TO AVOID THEIR GAZE!

 _@Nihilist95_ WOWIE YOU’RE REALLY GOOD AT SINGING! THE ROOFTOP SONG WAS SO BEAUTIFUL—BUT WHEN THE PHANTOM CAME OUT AND STARTED CRYING, I FELT GUILTY. THE HUMAN TOLD ME I WAS BEING SILLY, AS IT WAS ALL JUST ACTING. I’VE NEVER SEEN SO MUCH MAGIC COME FROM SOMEONE WHO DIDN’T MEAN WHAT THEY WERE DOING, THOUGH. SANS LOOKED UPSET BY IT, TOO.

THE HUMAN LIKES TO EXPLAIN THE STORY. I LISTENED ATTENTIVELY WHILE ALSO ENJOYING THE MOVIE. I LIKED THE MASQUERADE. VERY CATCHY. IN FACT, IT WILL PROBABLY BE STUCK IN MY HEAD FOR THE NEXT SEVEN YEARS. I COULD SEE SANS WATCHING THEM WHILE THEY EXPLAINED LITTLE DETAILS THAT MUST NOT HAVE MADE IT INTO THE MOVIE. HE WAS TRYING SO VERY HARD TO LOOK BORED. IF HE TRIES TO LOOK LAZY, IT DOESN’T WORK. NO ONE TELL HIM THAT.

THE HUMAN EXPLAINED THAT THEY HAD TO DO SILLY THINGS WITH METTATON TO NOT CRACK UP DURING THE RED FIERY SONG. THEY SAID THAT THEY ARE INSANELY TICKLISH, AND SO THEY HAD TO BUILD A TOLERANCE TO THAT KIND OF TOUCH SO IT WOULDN’T LEAD TO AN AWKWARD AMOUNT OF RETAKES. THEY ALSO WERE RELUCTANT TO TELL ME WHAT THIS PART OF THE MOVIE MEANT.

I DO NOT BELIEVE I’VE EVER SEEN SANS SO UNCOMFORTABLE. HE SEEMED UPSET AT THE IMAGES OF METTATON AND THE HUMAN TOUCHING EACH OTHER LIKE THAT. THE HUMAN EVEN NOTICED AND ASKED IF HE WAS OKAY. HE THINKS HE’S SO SUBTLE WHEN HE LOOKS AT THEIR SOUL TO SEE IF IT’S BEEN TOUCHED. I SHOULD REALLY MAKE HIM READ THE DATE BOOK. HE WILL CERTAINLY NEED IT, AS I AM CONVINCED AT THIS POINT THAT HE WILL NEED ALL THE HELP HE CAN GET. I’M NOT SURE, BUT I THINK IT MIGHT BE A BIT RUDE TO JUST RANDOMLY STARE AT SOMEONE’S SOUL TO SEE IF THEY’VE BEEN INTIMATELY INVOLVED WITH SOMEONE ELSE.

I SUPPOSE I CAN KIND OF UNDERSTAND, THOUGH. IT WORKS IN OUR FAVOR—IT SHOWS HE CARES IN SOME WAY. OTHERWISE, IT WOULD BE EVEN MORE CREEPY.

THE HUMAN WAS SO EXCITED BY THE CONFUSING SCENE WITH THE THREE MAIN CHARACTERS YELLING OVER THE TOP OF EACH OTHER, EACH TO DIFFERENT TUNES. IF THEY HADN’T EXPLAINED WHAT WAS GOING ON, I WOULDN’T HAVE UNDERSTOOD A BIT OF IT. AS IT WAS, IT WAS STILL DIFFICULT, AS METTATON CHOSE THE PHANTOM OVER THE OTHER GUY. BY KISSING THEM. IT LOOKED GROSS. BUT ENJOYABLE?

 _@LegSoHot_ WAS IT ENJOYABLE?

ANYWAY, BOTH I AND THE HUMAN LOOKED OVER AT SANS AND HE LOOKED LIVID AND CRUSHED. HE WAS LOOKING AT THE HUMAN LIKE HE’D BEEN STOMPED. THE HUMAN TRIED TO EXPLAIN THAT IT WAS JUST ACTING, BUT THEY SEEMED CONFUSED. I COMMENDED THEIR EFFORTS AND WE ENJOYED THE REST OF THE MOVIE IN RELATIVE SILENCE. I THINK I MISSED SOMETHING IMPORTANT WHILE OBSERVING THEM, THOUGH. I WILL HAVE TO WATCH THE MOVIE A FEW MORE TIMES, JUST TO BE SURE.

AFTER THE MOVIE, I MADE SANS WALK THE HUMAN HOME, AND THEN WHEN HE GOT BACK HE JUST SAT IN HIS ROOM AND SULKED. I CALLED UNDYNE TO TELL HER OF THE VICTORY, AND THEN BEGAN WRITING THIS. OH, AND BEFORE THEY EVEN LEFT THE HOUSE, HE THREW HIS JACKET AT THEM.

 **ParlourPet says:** _@TOTALLYSUPPOSEDTOBEHERE95_  
Papyrus, when you next find yourself in Hotland, stop by for some cider as a treat for this gem!

 **OldFlame867 says:** _@TOTALLYSUPPOSEDTOBEHERE95_  
I would offer as well, but I know your disdain for my products.

 **LegSoHot says:** _@TOTALLYSUPPOSEDTOBEHERE95_  
If you have any favors to ask, please do, this was amazing! Also, yes. It was quite enjoyable.

 **Nihilist95 says:**  
“Chose the Phantom over the Other Guy” he says. Ha Ha.

 

* * *

 

 **OldFlame867 says:**  
Sans and Shale are in the bar again. Shale is very excited about something, but quits talking about it when I come close enough to politely eavesdrop.

 **LegSoHot says:**  
Not again! You can’t do this again!

 **OldFlame867 says:**  
This is no ruse, I assure you. I am giving them both alcohol. Shale seems to like this human-style brew I have. Also, it seems to have an effect on Sans. Shale has promised to expose Sans to Brews of the surface variety when the barrier is broken. In other words, Shale intends to stick around with Sans after the barrier hypothetically falls!

*OldFlame867 posted a picture. ~~(Sans is staring in shock at Shale with a heavy tint of blue on his face)~~

**OldFlame867 says:**  
Shale said that if Sans gets drunk, they’ll escort him home, and promised not to take advantage of him. This is the face he made.

 **ModMewMew says:**  
I’m gone for five frickin minutes, and this happens. GIVE ME MOAR!

 **OldFlame867 says:**  
SHALE IS GOING TO PERFORM IN THE BAR!

 **ParlourPet says:**  
There was a mass exodus from my sale stand. Of course, this would be why. You had better post a video!

 **LegSoHot says:** _@OldFlame867_  
Grillby, please respond!

 **OldFlame867 says:**  
Apologies, I had to get my other phone. Sans broke yet another one in his frustration. It’s going on his tab. I mustn’t let him see this one, as I don’t have another. I’m sure someone will post film eventually.

*Guest 279 posted a video. ~~(Shakily focuses on Shale singing Closing Time, with fervent glances and closeups of Sans staring intently at Shale.)~~

*Guest 389 posted a video. ~~(Basically the same thing, but even more shakily, with people yelling right behind the camera and attempting to sing along.)~~

*Guest 497 posted 17 new photos. ~~(A collection of surprisingly nice shots of Shale performing as well as Sans staring with little stars for pupils.)~~

 **LegSoHot says:**  
YEESSSSSS FEED MY SHIP!

 

* * *

 

 **OldFlame867 says:**  
Something’s wrong with Sans. He’s been coming in every evening this week and drinking just enough to get buzzed, and then just leaving. He doesn’t speak, he doesn’t even joke. He’s mirthless.

 **ModMewMew says:**  
He’s been acting really weird at work lately.

 **ModStrongFish91 says:** _@ModMewMew_  
Shut it off right now, and call me!

 **ModMewMew says:**  
WEBSITE MAINTENANCE UNTIL FURTHER NOTICE!

 

* * *

 

 **ModMewMew says:**  
Sorry, guys… I know it’s been a long week, but… On the bright side, Birdy gave me express permission to keep the website open.

 **LegSoHot says:**  
Tell us what happened! Other than the fact that my dearest Phantom was hurt, I don’t know what’s going on.

 **OldFlame867 says:**  
He bought all my Human Brew and didn’t give back the bottles. Knowing him and his volatility, they’re probably broken. Other than that, I’m not sure. He hasn’t been back since then.

 **ModStrongFish91 says:**  
So apparently Birdy and Sans got into a huge fight—you really don’t want to know, it’s pretty bad—and so the next morning I found Birdy in their house, which was fucking WRECKED as hell! Apparently they were pissed enough that their magic went haywire and—I don’t even know. @TOTALLYSUPPOSEDTOBEHERE95 We really need to train them to fight, so they have control over their magic. They could get hurt if they’re not taught. Anyway, I got to talk to them and they said some pretty dark things… like, not scary or anything, just… they’re upset. And distant. So Alphys and I have been trying to get their mind off of it. We’ve been doing everything we can to keep them occupied. And then they just disappeared! I found them at their house, sitting in the living room with Sans, eating breakfast like nothing had fucking happened! And when I went to leave, they told me to take pictures! GUYS I THINK THEY’RE BROKEN! EITHER THAT OR THEY SHIP IT, TOO!

 **OldFlame867 says:** _@ModStrongFish91_  
They’re back together? Everything is okay?

 **LegSoHot says:** _@ModMewMew_  
I missed my chance to sweep them off their feet! Why didn’t you tell me sooner?!

 **ModMewMew says:** _@LegSoHot_  
Sorry, it would interrupt my OTP. Look, you ship them, too! You can’t honestly want them for yourself while shipping them with Sans.

 **LegSoHot says:** _@ModMewMew_  
You know what? You’re right. After all, I have a website already shipping me with them. There’s more fact on that one, anyway in my opinion!

 **ModMewMew says:** _@LegSoHot_  
Why, because you guys kissed on camera?

 **ModStrongFish91 says:** _@LegSoHot_  
Alphys has a point, Rustbucket. Birdy has explicitly stated that it was just acting. Unless you’re calling Papyrus a liar. I’m cracking my knuckles, by the way.

 **LegSoHot says:** _@ModStrongFish91_  
Undyne, I’m sitting in the same room as you. I’m aware you’re trying to intimidate me. Just remember that rough play doesn’t bother me in the slightest. You literally can’t win with me.

 **ModStrongFish91** **says:** _@LegSoHot_  
Alphys isn’t here right now, you realize that, right? And you REALLY didn’t enjoy it last time I beat you half to death with your own arms. I will fucking do it again if I have to.

 **ModMewMew says:** _@LegSoHot @ModStrongFish91_  
I’M COMING HOME RIGHT NOW, IF EITHER OF YOU ARE EVEN STANDING UP I WILL STRAP YOU TO A TABLE TOGETHER AND MAKE YOU WATCH HENTAI WITH EACH OTHER UNTIL I’M SATISFIED YOU’RE BOTH SCARRED FOR LIFE!”

 **LegSoHot says:**  
…………Kinky…

 **ModStrongFish91 says:**  
So fucking revolted in so many ways…

 **ParlourPet says:** _@ModMewMew_  
That was entertaining. You certainly know how to handle her anger, don’t you MewMew? You two will always be my OTP.

 **ModMewMew says:** _@ParlourPet_  
You’re making me blush, stop it!

 **ModStrongFish91 says:**  
Anyway, earlier Alphys and I went to the dump to look for cool stuff, and Sans and Birdy came along. Alphys, tell the story. I was off diving, so I didn’t see it personally. If I’ve got to sit here and not kill the robot while you’re out getting dinner, I’d better get to see his face crumble when he reads this.

 **ModMewMew says:**  
Okay. So they were talking about some kind of video game that is apparently full of dirty jokes and incidental humor. Birdy was singing the song from the game, and Sans was laughing really hard. At one point, he lost his balance from laughing and Birdy tried to catch him. They both ended up laying on a pile of garbage, pressed flush against each other, faces really close to each other. Birdy was wearing a bandana on their face, so I could only see a bit of blush, but I could see Sans’s face. OMG HIS FACE!

 **ModStrongFish91 says:** _@ModMewMew_  
Be a bit more descriptive, babe.

 **ModMewMew says:**  
He was barely blushing, and his eyes were lidded. He lifted one of his arms like he was going to put it around them, but they got up before he could. The rest of the time they were relatively quiet, but I kept catching Sans glancing at them. He looked confused. God, they’re both so frickin CLUELESS!

 **LegSoHot says:** _@ModStrongFish91_  
I hate you Undyne.

 **ModStrongFish91 says:** _@LegSoHot_  
*laughs at heartbroken robot*

 **LegSoHot says:**  
No one says I don’t have a chance!

 **ModMewMew says:** _@ModStrongFish91_  
Leave him alone. Let him stew in peace. Let’s eat and then go look for more stuff!

 **OldFlame867 says:** _@ModMewMew_  
The human just told me they wanted to use my phone to see the website. I told them to contact you and ask to be unbanned. Beware, it has begun.

 **ModMewMew says:**  
Well, I suppose it’s only fair. They gave me their permission to continue the website. Even encouraged it.

 **ParlourPet says:** _@ModMewMew_  
WAIT! Does that mean they ship it too?!

 **ModStrongFish91 says:**  
In all honesty, I wouldn’t count on it. The times in the past that Birdy and I have talked, they’ve made it clear that they’re not interested in a romantic relationship right now. And I kind of get that. Alphys and I know this, but I guess not many others know. When Birdy was on the surface, they were hurt pretty badly by the person they were romantically involved with. Luckily humans don’t bond, or they’d be a lot worse off. Then again, it probably would have given Birdy a chance to get away sooner. Anyway, Birdy doesn’t want a lover right now.

 **OldFlame867 says:**  
Yes, when I asked if they really wanted to see it, they merely remarked that they felt like there was a joke being made with them as the subject. They said they wanted to know what everyone was saying behind their back, just from curiosity. No concrete desire to participate that I could detect, disappointingly enough.

 **LegSoHot says:**  
That’s underwhelming. But that means I have a chance, still.

 **Jerry says:**  
I ship the human with Mettaton and Sans at the same time. Like if you agree.

 **ModMewMew says:**  
There isn’t even a like feature on this site.

 **ModStrongFish91 says:**  
BLOCK HIM! HE’LL RUIN EVERYTHING!

 **Jerry says:** _@ModStrongFish91_  
Rude.

*User **Jerry** has been blocked.

**ModMewMew says:**  
OMG That was almost bad.

 **LegSoHot says:**  
That was bad enough. Definitely killed my buzz. Everyone knows I don’t share. For some reason, I don’t imagine Sans would either.

 **TOTALLYSUPPOSEDTOBEHERE95 says:**  
THE HUMAN, SANS, AND I WERE PLAYING A VIDEO GAME TOGETHER. THEY SANG FOR US, TOO! THIS HAS BEEN A LOVELY NIGHT, AND AFTER I WENT TO BED, I SNUCK A PEEK IN THE LIVING ROOM TO SEE THEM SITTING UP, LAUGHING AND PLAYING STILL. THEY ARE SITTING AWFUL CLOSE, IF ONLY TO SPEAK QUIETLY SO I CAN SLEEP.

 **OldFlame867 says:** _@ModMewMew_  
Perhaps you should make Papyrus a mod? He posts about as much as you and ModStrongFish91.

 **ModMewMew says:** _@OldFlame867_  
Grillby, you don’t have to use our chat handles. You know who we are. Also, you’ve contributed almost as much, would you like to be a mod, too?

 **OldFlame867 says:** _@ModMewMew_  
I would, but I am very preoccupied with my business. I only have the time intermittently, and it would be unfair to promise my services if I cannot deliver them.

 **LegSoHot says:** _@OldFlame867_  
*Swoon* You can deliver your services to me if you so desire!

 **OldFlame867 says:** _@LegSoHot_  
Yet again, I apologize. Still not interested.

 **MotherShip says:**  
I’ve been trying to keep up with all of this, but no one told me the site was back up! Oh, and I’ve missed so much important information!

 **ModMewMew says:** _@MotherShip_  
Hey, Undyne is going to need to talk to you soon, when can she call?

 

* * *

 

 **TOTALLYSUPPOSEDTOBEHERE95 says:**  
I WOKE UP THIS MORNING AND FOUND THIS!

*TOTALLYSUPPOSEDTOBEHERE95 posted a photo. ~~(Sans is leaning against the couch, where Shale is laying. They are on their side, facing toward Sans, their arm slung over his shoulder, hanging over his chest. Sans’s head has fallen back, exposing his neck fully. There is a tiny bit of drool in the corner of his mouth. He looks very relaxed, his face utterly slack. Shale is smiling in their sleep.)~~

~~*S.S. Skelehuman has crashed.~~

 

* * *

 

 **ModMewMew says:**  
Everyone, please take note! We will be uploading live footage of our D &D campaign! Please stay tuned for all the madness that is sure to ensue. Please be respectful and don’t barge into the party! In other words, now that Jerry has been blocked, please no one tell him about this party. I don’t want him ruining it, and I doubt any of you want that either!

 

* * *

 

~~*Livestream of D &D party.~~

**ParlourPet says:**  
#SwearToDitty

 **OldFlame867 says:**  
I’m very confused about much of this, but I don’t believe I’ve laughed this hard in over a century. Thank you, Alphys, for streaming this. Might I ask to be part of the party next time? Or is there a limit to how many can participate?

 **MotherShip says:**  
We really must do this again. I apologize to everyone for my attitude, I don’t cut loose very often. Just… the atmosphere brought some of my youth back, I think.

 **OldFlame867 says:** _@MotherShip_  
Being as how I can remember your “youth” I must concur with that statement.

 **MotherShip says:** _@OldFlame867_  
Oh! I didn’t mean to imply you were old!

 **OldFlame867 says:** _@MotherShip_  
No offense taken, your Highness.

 **ParlourPet says:**  
Is NO ONE ELSE going to remark that Sans sings like an angel?! Is NO ONE ELSE going to remark that Papyrus obv has it really bad for our lovely Songbird?

 **Nihilist95 says:**  
I missed the livestream. Fuck my life.

 **LegSoHot says:** _@ParlourPet_  
God, YES his voice is divine! _@Nihilist95_ Help me find out a way to get them on stage together!


	5. S.S. Skelehuman Part Three

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Continuity-wise, this post begins directly after the D&D chapter.
> 
> Chat Handles:  
> ModStrongFish91: Undyne  
> ModMewMew: Alphys  
> LegSoHot: Mettaton  
> OldFlame867: Grillby  
> ParlourPet: Muffet  
> MotherShip: Toriel (TinyScarf is also Toriel)  
> ModCoolSkeleton95: Papyrus (He got an upgraded profile)  
> Nihilist95: Burgerpants  
> swore-to-ditty: Sans  
> CattyGotYourTongue: Catty (Bratty is usually with her. They're both typing. Take my word for it.)  
> DragonByAnyOtherName: You
> 
> Stricken lines are things that don't show up on the website, but are necessary to explain what is going on, such as descriptions of pictures and videos posted, or the website crashing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We've come to the end of the road for the S.S.Skelehuman, my friends! If you have yet to read the latest chapter (Chapter 27) of Soul-Searcher, PLEASE READ THAT FIRST! This chapter will be much more enjoyable after having read that.

**ModCoolSkeleton95 says:**  
I apologize for the late-night post, everyone. But this needs to be said. I would prefer this whole game be dropped. I regret ever finding this website. Ever since I found it, I’ve felt different about the human. I can’t quit thinking about how nice their voice is, or how warm and soft they are when I hug them. I want them to be happy—and Sans, too—even if that means it is happiness without me. I think our job is done. I am ready to face my feelings, confront them head-on. I will apply my problems directly to my forehead and barrel through them, metaphorically.

The first thing I must do is see if Sans is serious about this. I must know that he isn’t just going to laze about, rather than pursue what he wants. I must instill in him that he shouldn’t just let the chance slip by. There might not be another chance to Act in the future, for any number of reasons.

Please, let us all stop this game. What happens happens—this will be my last post on this site. I resign. Goodnight, and please take this to heart.

…

And if I’m wrong, by chance, I’ll be back, full force, and I will stop at nothing to win their heart. If Sans won’t realize what a treasure they could be to call his own…

**ModStrongFish91 says:** _@ModCoolSkeleton95_  
Hey, are you okay?

**ModCoolSkeleton95 says:** _@ModStrongFish91_  
I just want them to be MY human. I understand they don’t see me that way… and I know they probably never will. I’m strong enough to accept that… but I can’t stand seeing Sans just… fucker around rather than confront his problems. He procrastinates procrastination itself!

**ModStrongFish91 says:** _@ModCoolSkeleton95_  
I’m here for ya, Papyrus. If you need someone to talk to, come see us, okay? We can remove these posts if you like?

**ModMewMew says:** _@ModCoolSkeleton95_  
I’m so sorry, Papyrus! I never knew this would hurt you!

 

* * *

 

**ParlourPet says:**  
Hey, guys, what’s the word? There have been no updates all day. This isn’t cool, what’s wrong? This only happens when there’s something wrong.

**OldFlame867 says:**  
Everything’s fine. Everything’s normal. Remain calm.

**ParlourPet says:**  
I am not feeling any better.

**Nihilist95 says:**  
Mettaton just sprinted out of the room on the phone. He was crying. Something’s definitely wrong. Hey, Phantom’s my friend, too. Are they okay?

**MotherShip says:**  
It’s terriblaklsdf;jasdkfjaldsfja

**OldFlame867 says:**  
Ignore the queen and listen to me. Everything is going to be okay. Remain. Calm.

**Nihilist95 says:**  
What just happened to the Queen?!

**OldFlame867 says:**  
She was texting while baking. It is dangerous. Her phone is on fire.

**ParlourPet says:**  
I text while baking all the time. What is really going on, Grillby?!

**ModStrongFish91 says:**  
Listen to Grillby, everyone. Everything is okay, please stay calm. Also, Grillby, it’s kind of hypocritical to break someone’s phone for posting on the website, when that’s what you complain about Sans doing to you all the time.

*Guest 843 posted a picture. ~~(Grillby’s front door with a big closed sign in the window.)~~

**ParlourPet says:**  
Where are you, anyway? You never close. Well, almost never.

**Nihilist95 says:**  
Mettaton has locked himself in his changing room and is crying. He told me he’ll only let me in if I promise not to post about it. I’m sorry guys. You’ll just have to wait this out, I’ve gotta know!

**ParlourPet says:**  
BETRAYAL!

 

* * *

 

**ModMewMew says:**  
Birdy is stable now. The queen and I are taking care of them until they can be left alone. They were sick. We have pinpointed the cause of the sickness as lack of sleep. The resulting exhaustion made them more susceptible to basic illness. Apparently, this is called a common cold. It had been complicated by lack of sleep and maybe dehydration. Everything is fine, now.

**OldFlame867 says:**  
I would strongly advise anyone intending to visit the human think again. In their state, undue stress could cause relapse. They need to stay warm, and eat and drink until their strength is returned. _@ModMewMew_ remind her Majesty to cook as I’d instructed, for maximum healing benefits. Humans respond very well to intention in magic. In fact, it is half of what makes up their magic. Without intention, they have nothing but raw energy.

**ParlourPet says:** _@OldFlame867_  
Wait, what are those instructions, for future reference?

**OldFlame867 says:** _@ParlourPet_  
It is very difficult to explain in text. Next time you prepare food, fill it with magic, as usual, but also fill it with a specific emotion or intention. For example, if your strongest desire is to heal someone with what you’re preparing, focus your magic against and yet through that emotion. It’s very difficult to do for someone… who hasn’t… seen it done, I suppose. I’m closing early tonight. I need to meditate.

**ModMewMew says:** _@OldFlame867_  
Are you okay?

**LegSoHot says:** _@ModMewMew_  
I don’t think he’s going to answer. Poor sweet dear.

 

* * *

 

**ParlourPet says:**  
Hey, what’s been going on? No one has posted anything! I’m really not ready for this, right after our Songbird almost died!

**OldFlame867 says:** _@ParlourPet_  
I am in the dark about this as well. Sans hasn’t even stopped by lately. This is greatly concerning. I even got some more ketchup in.

**ParlourPet says:**  
Oh, thank stars! I just saw our Songbird sprint by while chanting some gibberish very forcefully. I’m worried they might be possessed, but at least they’re still alive?

**OldFlame867 says:** _@ParlourPet_  
Can you get video? Just out of curiosity?

**ParlourPet says:** _@OldFlame867_  
They’re running too quickly, and I don’t have the time to give chase right now.

 

* * *

 

**Nihilist95 says:** _@LegSoHot_  
Hey, bud, how’s our Phantom doing? How’d it go?

**LegSoHot says:** _@Nihilist95_  
Not well, admittedly. Apparently, my charm isn’t enough anymore. I must be sneakier.

**ModMewMew says:** _@LegSoHot_  
What did you say to make Sans crush your shoulder?!

**MotherShip says:**  
I feel I missed something quite important just now.

**LegSoHot says:**  
Sans is just incredibly jealous, and it’s obvious. If he wants to hog my Phantom, then I’ll hog his brother! That is the deal.

**swore-to-ditty says:** _@vomit-worthy-robot_  
so that was all on purpose, huh? just try to get close enough, and you’ll see how hard i can bite.

**ModMewMew says:**  
OMG NO

**LegSoHot says:** _@swore-to-ditty_  
That… was kind of hot.

**ModStrongFish91 says:** _@ModMewMew_  
Block them both.

**ParlourPet says:**  
Oh, stars! PLEASE don’t block them this is awwwesome!

**OldFlame867 says:**  
Concurrence. Quite amusing.

**swore-to-ditty says:**  
you should all be ashamed of yourselves.

**LegSoHot says:** _@swore-to-ditty_  
Yesss kinkshame me!

**swore-to-ditty says:**  
jesus fucking christ.

 

* * *

 

**LegSoHot says:**  
Everyone make sure you show up for the concert! My dearest Phantom will be performing live, with Sans and Alphys in support! You will never see another show quite like this one, so please don’t miss out!

 

* * *

 

*LegSoHot posts a livestream ~~(of the concert)~~.

**ParlourPet says:**  
Too catchy! I want this on all the CDs!

**OldFlame867 says:**  
I’m having trouble focusing on the music. This is… I can’t…

**ParlourPet says:** _@OldFlame867_  
WATCH IT AND LIKE IT! I WORKED HARD ON THOSE SKIRTS AND WIGS!

 

* * *

 

**ModMewMew says:**  
Birdy just texted me and asked if I’d help them make a CD for Sans! DO YOU THINK IT COULD BE A LOVE DAY GIFT?!

**ModStrongFish91 says:** _@ModMewMew_  
Don’t you play these games with me!

 

* * *

 

**OldFlame867 says:** _@ParlourPet_  
This does not bode well. No one has posted in a while.

**ParlourPet says:** _@OldFlame867_  
Yup, I’m worried too.

**ModMewMew says:**  
Umm, everything’s fine?

**LegSoHot says:**  
Something’s definitely wrong.

 

* * *

 

**OldFlame867 says:** _@ModStrongFish91_  
Undyne, I could hear you and Shale screaming from the bar. What is going on?

**ModMewMew says:** _@OldFlame867_  
Don’t worry, Birdy is just going to be training with Undyne and Papyrus. They need to get in shape.

**ParlourPet says:** _@ModMewMew_  
Not suspicious at all. Is this related to the recent lull in posting?

**ModMewMew says:**  
Of course nothing’s wrong. I have just been hard at work on my fanfiction. I’ll post it in the next week or two. I had to completely rework it, you know. You guys are in it, now.

**OldFlame867 says:**  
I heard more screaming. I can’t stand this. I’m closing up to go watch.

**ParlourPet says:** _@OldFlame867_  
Take a few pictures, huh? I don’t do well with the cold, soo…

**OldFlame867 says:**  
Sans is there. My phone is endangered. Someone please come to take pictures.

**LegSoHot says:**  
PLEASE TAKE PICTURES AND VIDEOS, SOMEONE! I CAN’T GET THERE RIGHT NOW!

**OldFlame867 says:**  
I’ve arrived, but only Undyne, Papyrus, and Her Majesty are here.

**MotherShip says:**  
Sans just took off with them. I’m not sure where to.

**ModMewMew says:**  
They’re here. Birdy is having lunch. They’re already exhausted. _@ModStrongFish91_ maybe you could take it a bit easy?

**OldFlame867 says:** _@ModStrongFish91_  
How in the name of God did you not learn how to use a sword? I know Asgore knew how to use one, even if it wasn’t his primary weapon! No, no, you’re making them hold it wrong!

**ModMewMew says:** _@OldFlame867_  
Grillby, please calm down!

**ParlourPet says:** _@ModMewMew_  
Aaaand now Grillby has interrupted the training.

**ModStrongfish91 says:**  
This is gonna be good. _@LegSoHot_ Look, it’s all the ass you can’t have in a single frame!

*ModStrongFish91 posts a video. ~~(Livestream of Grillby getting ready to train Shale, and then him helping them by guiding their arms and legs, correcting their stance over and over, with a gentle firmness.)~~

**LegSoHot says:** _@ModStrongFish91_  
I hate you so much. Oh, stars, though. WHAT AN ASS!

~~*(Livestream continues. Undyne tossed the phone to Sans, and he points it at the battle with his magic as he helps Shale with their magic problem.)~~

**ParlourPet says:**  
As awesome as it is to watch Grillby kick ass, I really really want to see what they’re talking about!

**LegSoHot says:** _@OldFlame867_  
Anytime you feel vicious, please pay me a visit. You can toy with me all day and night. Goddddddaaaaammmitttt.

**ModMewMew says:** _@ModStrongFish91_  
Honey, don’t be mad at me, but I didn’t notice you were pinned to the ground because I was too busy crying.

**ParlourPet says:** _@ModMewMew_  
Same.

**LegSoHot says:**  
What the hell did I miss? Should I unmute this?

**ParlourPet says:** _@LegSoHot_  
UNMUTE IT YOU IDIOT!

**LegSoHot says:**  
Oh my…

**MotherShip says:**  
For those of you who cannot hear, I shall explain, since I could see what was going on, as well. Our Songbird wasn’t sure how to unsummon their weapon, and since it was interlinked with Sans’s, he had to help by removing his portion of the magic. Songbird surrounded the unstable remainder of their magic with a bubble of purple magic. That is what they are referring to as a bomb.

**ParlourPet says:**  
I USE PURPLE MAGIC TOO! Oh, maybe that’s why I feel such a kinship for them!

**LegSoHot says:** _@ParlourPet_  
No, no, it’s more likely because we’re all caught up in shipping them. We feel we know them better than they know themself. Odd, isn’t it?

**ModMewMew says:** _@LegSoHot_  
How hard are you crying?

**LegSoHot says:**  
He said “Never.” Oh my god, it’s so…

**MotherShip says:**  
If I wander up behind them and push them into each other, do you think it would work? With how sweet this is, I am frustrated that they aren’t hugging right now. They are just…

**Nihilist95 says:**  
So once again, I’ve missed the goddamn stream. _@MotherShip_ do us all a favor and smash their faces together next chance you have.

**ModMewMew says:**  
I know this isn’t relevant, but I’m posting the fanfic tonight.

**ModStrongFish91 says:**  
Uhh, where did they go? Birdy, Sans, and Grillby all disappeared.

**MotherShip says:** _@ModStrongFish91_  
I believe they went into the bar.

**LegSoHot says:**  
So jealous.

**ModMewMew says:**  
Attention everyone! The fanfic is up! It is Birdy/Sans, but will also slightly cater to my NOPT as well, because Mettaton will never forgive me for leaving him out.

**LegSoHot says:** _@ModMewMew_  
This had better end up steamy as hell, Alphys, or so help me.

**ModMewMew says:**  
In any case, enjoy! I finished it and will be posting one chapter per day. Umm… I might post two a day sometimes. I don’t know… Just subscribe to it? I guess?

~~*Alphys posts a link to “Ebott Host Club Chapter One”.~~

**OldFlame867 says:**  
Theay say they haven’t fucked yet, butt I geve it a week. Maybe twoo.

**MotherShip says:** _@OldFlame867_  
Oh, dear… Grillby, how drunk are you?

**OldFlame867 says:** _@tinyscafr_  
yeas.

**ParlourPet says:**  
I’d feel a bit better if someone could go check on him.

**OldFlame867 says:** _@tinyscarf_  
Your Highness, please. My phone is just slightly melted and hard to type on. I am fine. just need sleep.

**MotherShip says:** _@OldFlame867_  
What brought all this on?

**OldFlame867 says:** _@tinyscarg_  
Remember when you were little, and you’d jump up on my back and wrap your arms around my neck? And asgore and I would laugh and I called you tiny scarf? I feel like I’m forgetting something there, and it hurts my head so badly. What is it that I can’t remember, highness?

**ModMewMew says:** _@MotherShip_  
Your childhood nickname was Tiny Scarf? OMFG that’s so cute!

**MotherShip says:** _@OldFlame867_  
I… I don’t think you’re forgetting anything, though that part of my life is a bit hazy. I always attributed it to age. I’m glad you remember me, though it is a bit embarrassing.

**OldFlame867 says:** _@tinyscarff_  
Everytime I think of specific things, my head starts hurting. I thought drinking would help, but now it hurts so badly. I feel like I’ve lost something and I don’t know what it is. Highness, I haven’t felt like this since Asgore’s passing.

**ModMewMew says:** _@OldFlame867_  
Come by the lab next day you’re available. I’d like to run some tests to make sure you’re okay.

 

* * *

 

**ModMewMew says:**  
Hello, everyone! The second chapter is up. It’s so difficult to write it!  >.<

~~*Alphys posts a link to “Ebott Host Club Chapter Two”.~~

**ModStrongFish91 says:** _@ModMewMew  
_ For it being so difficult to write, you’re doing great. Maybe that’s because I’m spoiled for it, huh?

**OldFlame867 says:** _@ModMewMew_  
This has certainly brightened my morning, Alphys. Have you anything for hangovers? More alcohol doesn’t seem to help.

**ModMewMew says:** _@OldFlame867_  
!!! No, please don’t get drunk before training!!

**ParlourPet says:** _@LegSoHot_  
Please come check the commission and see if it’s good so far.

**LegSoHot says:** _@ParlourPet_  
Bringing your favorite skeleton with me. Help me keep an eye on him, will you?

**ModStrongFish91 says:** _@LegSoHot_  
You’d better not fuck around with him.

**CattyGotYourTongue says:**  
OMG We’ve got front row seats to Phantom’s training!!! We’ll take care of livestreaming, okay?

*CattyGotYourTongue posts a livestream ~~(of the day’s training).~~

**ModMewMew says:** _@CattyGotYourTongue_  
Thank you! Don’t want to miss anything else that I can put in the fic at the last minute!

**LegSoHot says:**  
Damn, I want Grillby to give me lessons… on a lot of things.

**ModStrongFish91 says:**  
OH SHIT SANS IS IN THE LAB STARING AT BIRDY WHILE THEY’RE TRAINING!

**LegSoHot says:** _@ModStrongFish91_  
Wait, what?

**ModStrongFish91 says:**  
He’s just… staring with this dorky fucking look on his face! OH WOW HE’S TOTALLY SMILING!

**ParlourPet says:** _@ModStrongFish91_  
Isn’t he ALWAYS smiling, though?

**ModStrongFish91 says:**  
BIRDY DID A THING AND NOW HE LOOKS SO PROUD AND SHIT!

**LegSoHot says:** _@ModStrongFish91_  
Pics or it didn’t happen.

**Nihilist95 says:**  
DID I MISS ANYTHING?!

**ParlourPet says:** _@Nihilist95_  
Just in time, dearie.

**ModStrongFish91 says:**  
SHIT HE SAW ME AND NOW HE’S GONE! He didn’t even flip me off, he just disappeared! I’m disappointed!

**ParlourPet says:**  
Oh, dear, Papyrus is a very difficult customer. However, it should prove to be an interesting commission! Anyone looking to learn new uses of Purple Magic should come by to take a look!

**OldFlame867 says:**  
Pardon me, I am quite worn today. I think I’ll skip the dinner rush to rest up. _@ModMewMew_ I might have to take you up on that visit soon.

 

* * *

 

**ModMewMew says:**  
Good morning, everyone! Take a chapter! TAKE IT AND LIKE IT!

**CattyGotYourTongue says:** _@ModMewMew_  
Hey, girlie, I see what you did there! We were going to say you got us wrong… but… seriously, I think we’d both melt to puddles if Shale sang to us like… Yup. If Shale sang to us, we’d definitely steal them away from Sans in a heartbeat!

**ParlourPet says:** _@ModMewMew_  
I was promised a cameo. Otherwise, great!

**ModMewMew says:** _@ParlourPet_  
Trust me, you, Grillby, and Toriel will be in a future chapter, it’s just difficult to work you into the first few chapters! Have mercy on meeee…

*CattyGotYourTongue posts a livestream ~~(of the day’s training).~~

**ModStrongFish91 says:** _@OldFlame867_  
GRILLBY WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!

**CattyGotYourTongue says:** @ModStrongFish91  
What does it look like? He’s making Shale and Sans fight!

**LegSoHot says:**  
Oh, my… Phantom, my dear… your sense of humor never ceases to amaze and disappoint me…

**Nihilist95 says:** _@LegSoHot_  
You’re literally laughing your ass off.

**LegSoHot says:** _@BurgerPantsYouFuckingAssholeShutUp_  
Lies and slander, darling!

**CattyGotYourTongue says:**  
Why is it over already?! Nooo I need more!

**Nihilist95 says:** _@CattyGotYourTongue_  
I guess we just have to wait until tomorrow, then.

**ModStrongFish91 says:**  
Wait, where’d everyone go now?!

**OldFlame867 says:** _@swore-to-ditty @ModStrongFish91_  
If the event arises, and we break the barrier, the three of us are tasked with finding a specific human and mutilating him as a warning to others who would harm Shale. What say you?

**ModStrongFish91 says:** _@OldFlame867_  
You saw the scars, huh?

**OldFlame867 says:**  
I… need to calm down. My head…

**MotherShip says:** _@OldFlame867_  
Tomorrow, before training begins, I’m going to check on you, okay? No refusals, there’s something very wrong with you if you’re still hurting.

**ModMewMew says:** _@MotherShip @OldFlame867_  
As for that, training will need to be postponed. We’re doing fittings tomorrow for our Formal!

**MotherShip says:** _@ModMewMew_  
Congratulations! However, this means I might just make a trip to Snowdin regardless, expressly to check up on _@OldFlame867._

**OldFlame867 says:** _@MotherShip_  
Please, your Highness, stay in the Capitol. I can take care of myself for now. I just probably need rest. And meditation.

**ModStrongFish91 says:** _@swore-to-ditty_  
I’M GONNA FUCKING KILL YOU YOU SMILING PIECE OF SHIT!

**LegSoHot says:** _@ModStrongFish91_  
What just happened?

**ModMewMew says:** _@LegSoHot_  
NOTHING!

**ModCoolSkeleton95 says:**  
HELLO EVERYONE, I HAVE DECIDED TO RETURN TO THE WEBSITE IF ONLY BRIEFLY TO TELL YOU AN AMAZING STORY. I WALKED THROUGH MY FRONT DOOR ONLY TO BE STRUCK IN THE CHEST WITH A THE HUMAN’S PHANTOM LIMB. I PLAYED DUMB, AND THEY TRIED TO TELL ME THAT THE GENETALIA THAT HIT ME WAS A WEAPON AND THAT THEY AND SANS WERE TRAINING TOGETHER.

AS DISAPPOINTED AS I AM THAT THEY WOULD LIE TO ME OVER SOMETHING TRIVIAL, I AM ALSO HAPPY THAT THIS DEVELOPMENT HAS HAPPENED. I WOULD CALL THEM A “BAD DRAGON” BUT LUCKILY FOR SANS, IT’S NOT THAT BIG, OR ELSE HE’D BE IN FOR QUITE A BAD TIME.

IN OTHER NEWS, THE HUMAN INTERNET IS A LOVELY PLACE FULL OF FRIENDLY STRANGERS. I HAVE 80 FOLLOWERS AS OF TODAY! I AM GAINING THEM AT AN ALARMING RATE! CONSIDERING I ONLY UPLOADED THREE “VLOGS” I AM QUITE IMPRESSED WITH MY ABRUPT POPULARITY.

_#LOOKOUTMETTATON_

**LegSoHot says:** _@ModCoolSkeleton95_  
Oh, my, are you really after my popularity? I’ll share it and more!

**ParlourPet says:**  
OH GOD I’M SO CURIOUS! _#ShowShale’sShlong_

**LegSoHot says:**  
Actually, yes, I would pay to see that _#DracoDick_

**swore-to-ditty says:**  
you guys are all going to a special circle of hell.

**LegSoHot says:** _@swore-to-ditty_  
TELL US ABOUT THAT _#DragonDong_ , DARLING!

 

* * *

 

**ModMewMew says:**  
Wow, guys. What a day… Umm… I feel so bad for Birdy… They must be soo embarrassed.

Uh… Anyway… Next chapter’s up. You guys know the drill! I’m really proud of this one!

~~*ModMewMew posts a link to “Ebott Host Club Chapter Three”.~~

**LegSoHot says:** _@ModMewMew_  
Ahh, have I regaled you lately on how amaaazing of a kisser they were?

**ModMewMew says:** _@LegSoHot_  
Yes. Please stop.

**DragonByAnyOtherName says:** _@ModMewMew_  
Lovely chapter. Really brings back some memories. Right, _@LegSoHot_ , _@Nihilist95_?

**LegSoHot says:** _@DragonByAnyOtherName_  
I’M SCREAMING, NO! YOU CAN’T BE ON HERE TOO!

**Nihilist95 says:** _@LegSoHot_  
At least you didn’t post those smutty drawings of Phantom yet.

**LegSoHot says:** _@BurgerPantsISwearToGodIWillEndYou_  
Shut up before I decide you’re more useful back at the Resort!

**ModMewMew says:**  
It’s a hoax. It has to be.

**ModStrongFish91 says:** _@ModMewMew_  
WAS IT A HOAX?!

**ModMewMew says:**  
...Apparently Birdy has been reading the fic ever since it started…

**LegSoHot says:**  
I’ve died and gone to heaven. Oh, my god… Papyrus looks like a devilish angel in a tux~!

**Nihilist95 says:** _@LegSoHot_  
I call bullshit.

**LegSoHot says:** _@Nihilist95_  
Well, you’ll have to wait. I’m not taking pictures for your ungrateful tail!

**Nihilist95 says:**  
_#WorthIt_

ModMewMew posts a video ~~(The Disappearance of Hatsune Miku).~~

**ModMewMew says:**  
I’M FUCKING CRYING!

**LegSoHot says:**  
Aaand I officially have a mega boner for both of the brothers. Oh, god.

**Woshua says:** _@LegSoHot_  
Wosh u soul.

**ModStrongFish91 says:** _@UserWoshua_  
Won’t do any good.

**LegSoHot says:** _@SpookshowBaby_  
Blooky, darling, could you possibly come by at some point soon? Alphys needs to work some things out about the Formal. It means you’ll get to work with Phantom again!

~~*SpookshowBaby erased their membership.~~

**LegSoHot says:**  
OH GOD!

**ParlourPet says:** _@LegSoHot_  
Yep, I outdid myself.

ParlourPet posts a picture. ~~(Shale in mask, with crimson over black satin brocade suit, stark white dress shirt with a thin black silk tie with embroidered skulls on it.)~~

ParlourPet posts a livestream ~~(of Shale’s unveiling to everyone in full suit and mask, along with the resulting “Show of Hands” moment.)~~

**Nihilist95 says:**  
_#ShowOfHandsForShale_

**OldFlame867 says:** _@swore-to-ditty_  
YOU GODDAMNED LIAR!

**CattyGotYourTongue says:**  
Oh, my heart! Phantom, baby, don’t cry!!! _#KillTheSmallSkeleton!_

**swore-to-ditty says:**  
look, i know you guys hate me right now, but… shale just fucked with my head plenty in revenge. so you all know they learned how to use phantom limbs, right? well, now they just figured out how to make them invisible. they’re making everyone think i’m playing grabass with everyone, even the queen! so… i will counter-revenge on them.

**CattyGotYourTongue says:** _@swore-to-ditty_  
How do you intend to do that?

**swore-to-ditty says:**  
i’m gonna spank them back, see how they like it.

…wow. i forgot they know how to take a hit. they didn’t even react. i’ll have to do it harder, next time.

oh, they’re playing coy, now.

**ParlourPet says:** _@swore-to-ditty_  
Why couldn’t you have done that while I was still there to enjoy it in person?!

**ModCoolSkeleton95 says:**  
HAPPY LOVE DAY EVERYONE! THIS IS THE BEST HOLLIDAY EVER!

**LegSoHot says:** _@Nihilist95_  
I won’t be coming in tomorrow. I have a date.

**Nihilist95 says:** _@LegSoHot_  
Not gonna say a word. Have fun, rustbucket.

 

* * *

 

**OldFlame867 says:**  
Hope everyone’s enjoying their day.

**ParlourPet says:** _@OldFlame867_  
I feel you, buddy. Business sucks today. You wouldn’t think so…

**OldFlame867 says:**  
San’s just came in here soaked in rainwater asking for date food.

**ParlourPet says:** _@OldFlame867_  
OMFGYESS

**Nihilist95 says:**  
TELL ME MORE

**OldFlame867 says:**  
I gave them a special brew called “Brave Honesty.” It should give them a gentle shove in the right direction.

**DragonByAnyOtherName says:**  
Attention! This is not a drill. The ship is officially canon!

**ParlourPet says:** _@DragonByAnyOtherName_  
I’ve been waiting far too long to just take your word for it. PICS NOW!

**OldFlame867 says:**  
Concurrence.

_DragonByAnyOtherName posts a picture_ ~~(Shale took a selfie of them kissing Sans on the cheek. He’s blushing darkly in surprise, but smiling).~~

~~*S.S.Skelehuman has sailed.~~

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So tell me how i did, guys! This was the surprise, the bonus. A twenty-eight page side fic post along with a 26 page main-fic chapter. please enjoy. I don't know when the next update will be, so until then, STAY DETERMINED.
> 
> Tune in next time for:  
> Gaster and Grillby, as they once were. (Wartime Story)  
> (In the comments, tell me how excite-bike you are about this!)


	6. Resurrect Your Gays

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Blue and Gaster are reunited after the events of Soul-Searcher
> 
> Meaning that this chapter is a spoiler for the NOW FINISHED FIC. If you haven't finished Soul-Searcher, this is going to be confusing as fuck, and I advise you go read it please and thank.
> 
> Also, this is setup for the sequel to Soul-Searcher. And an epilogue of sorts. Because this fic has always just been bonus content.
> 
> IN SHORT: this chapter takes place after Blue's soul has been restored in an Alphys and Gaster combined effort robot body. He's still short, his body is blue and silver, and his faceplate looks just like his original face. Complete with those gorgeous eyes and cracks in his face. Even though, in this form, he no longer has terrible head-trauma, he's still largely soft-spoken.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The "Alphys' Fanfiction" Chapter is going to be its own story under the Soul-Searcher Shitposts series. Because that's what it is. A shitpost. It really is. That is, when I have time to write it.

"ok, weenie."

"Please stop calling me that. I would honestly prefer wing-dingus."

"roll that tape back one more time, tell me _what_ the fuck you just said."

“Blue." Gaster massaged his temples. A useless endeavor, as he had nothing there to massage that would alleviate the annoyance. "I will not explain a _fifth time_. If you cannot parrot everything back to me at this point, I’m unsure what more I can say to make you understand."

"you want me to repeat you?"

"In fact, yes. I do. Tell me everything I’ve told you, so I may see what your sticking point is."

Blue hesitated for a moment. He wanted to fidget but he needed to be oiled; the creaking of his metal joints was agonizing for both of them. He didn’t do well on this testing-knowledge shit. The idea of Gaster being a strict and sexy professor demanding an **oral report** was _incredibly_ distracting.

"uh… you said that… somehow there are humans up on the surface who are… not human? like werewolves, mermaids, vampires and..."

Gaster smiled reassuringly.

"they’re....? that way because of the war??"

He sighed. "Very good, Blue. But though the war was what created the conditions, what truly made them that way… was human curiosity."

"ok no i’m still confused."

"During the war, many… _many_ monsters lost their lives. And when that happens, all that’s left is dust. Humans used those remains to experiment upon others of their kind."

"how the literal frickle-dickle did they do that?"

"According to records, it varied. Eating the dust sometimes was enough. In more recent, visceral discoveries, it was distilled and injected into children and teens."

"something tells me your murderous glare isn’t from ethics of child experimentation." Blue’s hitched brow reminded Gaster that when he’d met him, Gaster had figured Blue was a child. It certainly hadn’t stopped him from jamming a needle into his soul.

He shook himself. He considered making an excuse, but this was _Blue_. Even when Blue was _wrong_ he wouldn’t admit it. And this time he was _right_. He finally spoke again. "The location they dug up the remains used in that experiment. The only monster we lost there was my elder sister, Adilet."

Blue was silent. "heh, yeah that’s pretty dark."

"The base was burned down years ago. No one involved has been accounted for. Not even the test subjects."

"yep, getting darker."

"However, I’ve been picking up trace amounts of familiar energy from town. And not just from Hybrids that are enhanced with my sister’s remains."

"wait, what?"

"Zorion, my other dead sibling, is showing up, too. And I have no clue why."

"darker yet darker, jesus fuckin christ."

"Even more… disheartening, I feel both of their presence often in areas where the Undercoven is active."

"the what?"

"There’s a group of pro-Monster and pro-Hybrid rights movement, made up of punks, hybrids, and witches-- though the labels certainly don't prevent the individuals from falling under more than one of their definitions. Undercoven is a specialized force within that movement, however, that breaks up Monster- and Hybrid-trafficking rings, disrupts illegal experimenting and detainment, and otherwise interferes with violence the human police forces won’t respond to."

"huh. that’s cool." Blue still seemed somewhat disinterested.

"The head of operations is also the gayest man I’ve ever met. He’s called Hannibal, and I truly believe you’d love him."

His attention certainly piqued, but he felt the need to explain himself. "i got you, though. i wholly subscribe to the ‘make it gayer’ notion, but… i just need _you_."

"In fact,” Gaster continued, “there are so many in that group that would, more accurately, love _you_."

There was a tense silence. "are you… implying something?"

"Blue, you’re becoming a master coder, and you’ve learned how to hack your body, not to mention every nearby device. Not only would they be interested in your services, many of them would be thrilled to meet you for the merit of you being like them."

"as in?"

"Gay as fuck and happy." Gaster said. "Those two traits are still not mutually exclusive." He paused. “And even disregarding that, in your words, you look like megaman now, you’re still a beautiful man of color. Hybrids would even probably want to claim you're one of them, since you're somewhere between human and monster now. _You’re aspirable_. You’re yourself in every capacity, and the best at what you do, to boot.”

"i’m a fucking role model? heheh _now_ i’ve heard everything. god, though… okay, fine. fucking fine, i’ll go help the next-gen gays." Silently, he remarked to himself wondrously. "a _role model_. take that, dad."

There was a longer pause, and this time it was Blue who broke the silence. "grillzy’s been working himself to a **cinder** lately, ain’t he? maybe we can get him to rest up, or just… i dunno.”

Gaster nodded idly. “He’s much in need of a pleasant diversion. I’m concerned for him too.” He paused, breaking into a heretofore unseen shit-eating grin. “He’s been **burning the candle at both ends**.”

Blue exclaimed. “oh god, you’re learning! i’m finally rubbing off on you! i’m not sure if i’m impressed or horrified.”

“Be horrified.”

“oh, i’m horrified. this is the darkest of dark news so far.”

Gaster chuckled. "However, we have some good news!"

"do we, you unbearable bastard?" Blue gave Gaster's hip a nice shove and craned his neck to look up at him. 

"Sans and Papyrus have matching hands now. And Shale has cut off one of their horns. The pod Sans and I recovered is working beautifully."

"no fuckin way." Blue looked up at Gaster, and his gorgeous sand-hued eyes sparked violently.

"We’re officially grandparents!" Gaster knelt down and hugged Blue.

"i’m not even used to being a _dad_ yet, this is too much i’m crying. i’m _crying_ , winny." His voice was glitching now. "i’m _too gay for this tin can to contain_ right now."

"Gay as in ‘happy' or it’s more recent definition?"

" _yes_!"

Gaster laughed and continued to hold his wicked, raunchy little devil, standing with him still in his arms. A thought occured to him. "Blue. I used to be young once."

"oh?" Blue said sarcastically. "are you gonna re **gale** me, windbag?"

Gaster sighed in mock aggravation. "Back then, I was unsure how to be myself. Adilet and Zorion had no such problems… but I always lived under the notion that I was representative of my father’s power and intellect."

"surprisingly, you haven’t lost me. i kinda relate."

Gaster looked at him, searching his eyes for that familiar reflection of the man he loved. "You’re the one who taught me it was okay to be me, selfishly."

"that’s a backhanded compliment if i ever heard one."

"Hear me out, then. I did everything out of loyalty and obligation, to my father, to my race, to my king. But I was never truly myself until I fell in love with you."

Blue’s mechanisms whirred erratically in lieu of a heartbeat. He was overheating.

Gaster grinned but continued. "I let myself be selfish for once, because you were more important than that obligation." He leaned in, resting his forehead against Blue’s.

"And through everything since-- I have _never_ regretted it. The pain I felt, losing you, was more than I could bear… but having you here with me now… it was worth it." Gaster smiled. "And I still am just as much in love with you as I was thirty some-odd years ago."

"making me feel old." Blue complained, his voice glitching with emotion. He cupped Gaster’s face with his hands and kissed him. "love you too, winny."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you want more info on Hannibal, the leader of Undercoven, check out the Blue/Gaster christmas story I wrote last year. He features as Grillby's boyfriend, which in that AU is very fitting.
> 
> In the sequel, however.......... Hannibal is a little older, a little wiser, and much more refined. And he adopts too many kids. Someone help him. Why do I always create OCs who are gay and adopt everyone around them? Anyway.... it's gonna be good.
> 
> The best news, though? There will be a LOT of Blue in the sequel, too. Because Blue-dad is Best-dad.

**Author's Note:**

> Do you have questions? Feel free to ask away here in the comments, or you can contact me on tumblr!
> 
> www.zaiyofics.tumblr.com


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